Harry Potter and the Dagger of Foreboding
by Lord Drash
Summary: An AU Fic chronicling the Harry Potter character's development in a world with the most mystical of items, the Dagger of Foreboding. Will cover all seven years and will ship Harry.
1. Entering Hogwarts

**Harry Potter and the Dagger of Foreboding**

**Chapter One: Entering Hogwarts**

_Note: I don't own Harry Potter, nor do I plan on it. All of the characters, and the mythology itself is primarily the work of J.K. Rowling. The only thing that's mine is the plot.  
>Note 2: This story will take place over several years, and while the first part probably won't go over a Teen rating because most of the characters will be children, stuff in later chapters probably will, so I'm just going to rate it Mature for safety reasons.<em>

Hesitantly Harry hurried through the cold bricks of Platform 9 and Three-Quarters, following the example of the nice red-headed family that had just gone through. Though the process of traveling through the Platform was instantaneous, Harry couldn't shake the awkward feeling of a long and lengthy travel through thick molasses.

He hurriedly pushed his taped together glasses up the bridge of his nose, while simultaneously brushing his thick black hair down over his scar, in the shape of a lightning-bolt on his forehead. His skinny frame was covered in oversized clothing, clearly designed for a small elephant. Or a large elephant. Really, any kind of elephant would have been better suited to wearing the baggy shirt and jeans then the scrawny eleven-year old that had them on.

Heaving his large awkward suitcase with one hand and the owl cage in the other, he shoved his way through the crowd surrounding the massive train. Several bangs and flashes caught his attention, and he almost stopped to see some magic in action, but the large white owl in the cage screeched, forcing Harry to turn back and enter the train.

The inside of the train was just as crowded as the outside, only with far less space for the people to run around in. Quickly sidling past a pair of giggling girls, Harry Potter clambered into the first empty room he could find, shoving his trunk under the seat and placing his owl, Hedwig, onto the seat above, before taking his place by the window. He stared out at the wizards and witches' running around, brilliant emerald eyes taking in the scenery like a green sponge absorbs water.

He still couldn't believe that only a few weeks ago he was just a normal, abused boy living in the pantry by the refrigerator. He shuddered slightly at the thought of what the Dursleys had done to him after the letter for Hogwarts came. Despite their desire to destroy magic, they couldn't deny the appeal of having the boy leave for three-quarters of the year, or the danger they'd face in trying to keep him from the wizarding world. Still, the things they did were especially brutal in that last month, as if they were trying to store up as many miserable memories as possible before he started squishing them to the side with all that poppycock about magic and mysticism.

Tears threatened to fall from his olive orbs and it was only his incredible excitement about actually attending a school for magic that stopped them. Before Harry could think any further, the cabin door opened abruptly, letting in a tall, wiry boy with orange-red hair. Harry started, recognizing him as a member of the family he followed in. The orange-haired lad stopped, apparently surprised to see the tiny boy sitting down already. He looked around, before realizing no one else was in the cabin and quickly shoved his ragged trunk under the opposite seat before extending his hand to Harry.

"Oi mate, I like Quidditch," the boy said, expecting a similar response from the boy across from him, although Harry wasn't really listening. He absent-mindedly shook his hand and introduced himself.

"My name is Harry. It's nice to meet you, Quidditch," Harry said, stumbling over the unfamiliar word.

The boy looked at Harry, rather confused and flustered.

"Uh…my name isn't Quidditch. It's a sport. Don't you know about Quidditch?"

Harry seemed to realize he had made some kind of social gaffe and looked up at him, while trying to puzzle out the meaning of the odd word.

"Does it involve money and a hole?" Harry asked hopefully.

The boy shook his head dejectedly before sitting down. He quickly launched into an elaborate and engrossing explanation of the popular wizarding sport. Despite his frequent use of odd terms, Harry picked up the gist of the game. Basically it involved seven man teams, split up into four different types of players, all of whom focused on the four balls, of which there three kinds. Some parts of the game didn't really make sense, and Harry was pretty sure the boy was pulling his leg when he mentioned two of the balls were made of iron and their job was to fly around and smash people in the skull.

After he finished describing about a tattle-tale ball, the boy seemed to remember something and extended his hand to Harry again.

"Sorry about that. I'm Ronald Bilius Weasley. You can call me Ron."  
>Harry shook the proffered hand again, but seemed confused by the nickname.<p>

"It's short for Ronald," Ron said quickly, as it apparently had been a source of bewilderment for others.

"Ah," Harry said, "Harry is short for...Harry I think."

"Cool," Ron said, before sitting down again.

"So uh…you're a wizard?"

"Not yet, We have to go to school first," Ron said, "Geez those muggles don't teach you anything about magic, do they?"

"Muggles?" Harry asked.

"Non-magical people."

"Oh. Well, yeah, I guess they didn't."

"Hey wanna see a spell?" Ron asked Harry, pulling a rat out of his shirt-pocket.

"Sure?"

Ron extracted a long stick – wand, Harry reminded himself, he had one too – and pointed it at the rat. He mumbled a few words and then jabbed it at the sleeping creature's rather protuberant bottom. A small bang sounded and there was the sizzling of flesh. Startled, the rat leapt out of his hands and darted to the door. That wouldn't have been a problem except the door opened at that second, letting the rat out and a girl in.

She was rather plain looking, her bushy brown hair appeared like minimal effort was put into taking care of it and she had a face, that while not hideous, would not elicit a second glance from most people. The only thing about her appearance that was even remotely notable was the fact that she was clad in long, flowing black robes, obscuring most of her form.

"Are you doing magic?" she demanded, startling both boys.

"Maybe?" Harry said, still not sure if what he saw constituted as magic.

"My rat," Ron said, rather distraught.

"Magic is not allowed in the train. I remember reading that in _Hogwarts, A History_," the girl said, as if daring someone to correct her.

"Oh," Harry said disappointedly, "I didn't realize we weren't allowed to do magic."

He looked at the ground. Ron flashed an angry look at the girl.

"Oh good job. You made him upset."

"I didn't mean to," the girl said in a way that implied that she didn't care, "I just wanted to make sure that you know that I know that you can't do magic. I'm Hermione Granger by the way."

Harry and Ron introduced themselves. Ron started talking about Quidditch again, hoping that this girl would know more about it than Harry. Hermione stopped him, stating that she was a muggleborn and therefore had no interest in sports. She then exited the compartment before saying that the two should probably change into their school robes.

Harry nodded, reaching into his trunk and yanking out a set of robes that looked very much like Hermione's. Ron did the same, although his were threadbare and had numerous patches. Ironically after they got dressed Harry found that while his robes fit, Ron's were a bit too big, so he found their roles reversed.

The train came to a stop soon after and they found themselves exiting the train. Harry had wanted to get his stuff but Ron told him that his brothers had told him that their belongings would be sent to their housing. He also started to tell Harry about the four different Houses. He had just mentioned Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, the two best according to Ron and the two were about to get off the train when they were stopped by a sneering blond-haired boy and the two figures behind him.  
>Harry's first thought was "Why are gorillas on the train?" His second thought was "Oh."<p>

"Hello boys," the blond boy said, "So eager to get off the train?"

"Yes," Harry said, "I would very much like to get off the train."  
>The boy looked at him, surprised he would be brave enough to stand up to him and his lackeys. Harry looked back, wondering why the boy had asked such an obvious question.<p>

"I'm Draco Malfoy," the boy said slowly.

"Like the constellation?" A shrill voice said from behind him.

Draco and his goons turned around, only to see Hermione dragging a chubby boy holding a large toad. The boy was blubbering something about how he didn't know he could do that, and he thought he had fed the toad before. Hermione brushed off his sniveling and pushed past Draco and his friends, all three of which were too stunned that the girl was treating them like they weren't important to actually do anything about it.

"Yes, yes come here Neville," Hermione said, pushing the boy in front of Ron, who looked at them quizzically.

"What's going on?"

"I'm really sorry," Neville managed to get out between sobs. Ron looked at the toad, confused. He could see some kind of rope sticking out of its mouth and with a sudden sucking noise that vanished as well. He looked at Hermione, who shrugged.

"Found your rat."

Harry gasped, while Ron merely muttered the name of his pet rat.

"Peter."

While Ron looked at the creature that had eaten his most treasured possession, Draco cleared his throat and his minions cracked their knuckles threateningly.

"While this is all very touching," Draco drawled, "I do believe that we're at school and _some _of us have to go."

Harry nodded and slid past them, followed closely by Neville. Ron and Hermione tried to leave as well but the large boys stopped them.

"Whoops. Sorry about that. Crabbe and Goyle aren't fond of blood-traitors and mudbloods. Hope you don't mind, but we can't have you sullying the good name of Hogwarts."  
>"Hey," Harry said, starting to turn around, just as a massive shape stepped in front of him.<p>

"You can't do this," Hermione said, "In _Hogwarts, A History, _it clearly states that all people of magical talent are allowed entry into Hogwarts."

"Too bad you don't have magical talent then," Malfoy said with a smirk that quickly disappeared as a massive hand reached through the train door and plucked Malfoy out. The hand did the same for Crabbe and Goyle.

"That's it now, ge' out," a humongous man said gruffly, reaching for Hermione and Ron, both of whom hurried out before he could grab them.

"Who are you?" Harry asked. The man turned around slowly, pushing the children along towards the rest of the student body who were far ahead of them. His massive bulk was wrapped in a thick overcoat, his black hair covered his face.

"I'm Rubeus, but you ca' call me Hagrid," the man said cheerfully.

The others only nodded slowly, still stunned by his vast size.

Hagrid directed them towards the lake, warning them of the giant squid that lived in it and told them that the boats would take them to the school. He would have gone with them, but a couple of older Hufflepuffs were snogging in some bushes nearby and he had to get them to the carriages.

There was only one rowboat left and it was barely big enough for the seven of them. Malfoy made a few comments to his giant henchman, both of whom snorted. Harry ignored them, too worried about the possibility of getting eaten by the squid. All thinking ceased as soon as Hogwarts came into view however, its vast size obscured by shadows and lit up by lights that made it seem majestic and beautiful.  
>In that moment of distraction Malfoy shoved Neville, yelling something about a squid. Startled Crabbe and Goyle stood up and within seconds the boat tipped and all of them were dunked. They had to swim to shore, where they crawled out, soggy and wet, like a group of dogs after chasing a cat into a river, only to find that the cat had not gone into the water but had instead climbed a tree and was well out of reach.<p>

A tall severe looking woman rushed over, scolded them and sent them inside…where Harry caught his first look at the inside of Hogwarts.


	2. The Ceremony of Sorting

**Chapter Two: The Ceremony of Sorting**

As Harry and his companions were ushered into the castle, Harry could only stare in shock at the stone walls and moving stairs. Torches lit the halls and as Harry's grouped merged with the large First-Year group ahead of them they even saw some pale ghosts floating past. The stern woman who had scolded them earlier left them waiting in front of a large door. Left to their own devices, the tiny children soon began to talk, exchanging fears and worries. Unsure of what to do, Harry started to break off from the main group when the blond boy, Draco, crept up to him at the same time as the other boy, Ron.

"I don't believe we've been introduced," Draco said to Harry, holding out his hand, "I am Draco Malfoy."

"I know," Harry said, shaking the hand. Draco seemed surprised, and a little pleased to hear that his reputation had reached even this insignificant worm, at least until Harry continued to talk, "You told me on the train. Like the constellation, right?"

"Yeah," Draco said, annoyed, "And you are?"

"I'm Harry," Harry said, too which Ron nodded in agreement.

Draco looked at Ron, a smirk and a sneer fighting each other to see which one would have dominance on his face.

"I just want you to know Harry that not all wizards are of the proper sort. Some of them, like the Weasel here, are poor and poor people, as I'm sure you know, are not as good as people who are not poor, like me."

Surprised Harry turned to Ron.

"You never told me you were poor!"

"I didn't know I had too," Ron said, peeved at Harry's hurt tone.

"Yes Harry, poor people are also liars," Draco said, his smirking-sneer growing.

"I trusted you," Harry told Ron.

"Harry, just because he didn't tell you he was poor doesn't mean he's untrustworthy," Hermione cut in, "It just means he's not good at talking about himself."

Ron ignored Hermione's attempts to placate his almost-friend, too worried he was by Draco Malfoy's clever attempt to turn Harry against him…but at that moment Ron realized something, recognizing Draco's last name.

"Harry!" Ron said, "You can't trust Draco! He's a Malfoy and all Malfoy's are Slytherins!"

There was a resounding gasp from the students and Draco looked uneasy at the suspicious glances being flung at him. His sneer slipped a bit, but he managed to refocus on Harry, just as the boy began to speak.

"What's a Slytherin?"

Ron swore internally. He had forgotten he hadn't explained that to Harry. Seeing an opportunity Draco started to speak.

"Slytherin is the name of the best House in Hogwarts, it refers to the smartest, most intelligent and important people in the school. It-"

"All Slytherin's are sneaky conniving snakes whose only goal is to serve Dark Wizards," Ron interrupted, glaring at Malfoy.

"Slytherin is one of the Four Houses of Hogwarts, founded seven and sixty-nine years ago by Rowena Ravenclaw, Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff and Salazar Slytherin," Hermione said confidently, ending any further arguments with her quick and correct words.

Harry was still unsure over which one was correct and so made an effort to separate himself from both the poor person and the potential snake-person. Before the situation could get too awkward the tall woman came back, introduced herself as Mcgonagall and escorted the jumpy children into the Great Hall.

As the children scuttled in, the students sitting down at the tables around the hall began clapping, the sound echoing off the walls. It had an odd echo though, and Harry's eyes were drawn upwards, where he noticed that there was no ceiling and he could see the outside. Surprised by the apparent lack of funding for the castle he turned towards Hermione who was already answering his question.

"There really is a ceiling; it's just charmed to act like the sky outside. I read it in _Hogwarts, A History._"

"What happens when it rains?" Neville asked.

Hermione opened her mouth, and then closed it as she realized she did not know the answer. While she was scraping through her mental trough for some kind of response, similarly to how a pig would scrape through its actual trough for some kind of food, the students came to a stop. In front of them was a stool with a large black wizards hat in a slumped position, the jaunty point angled towards the floor.

"The Sorting Hat!" Hermione whispered.

"What's that?" Harry asked.

"It's the test all students must pass before being allowed to become students," Mcgonagall said gruffly.

Without anymore pomp or circumstance the woman pulled a long sheet of parchment out of her robes and started calling names. The children whose names were called stepped towards the stool where they were directed to take the hat and place it on their head. It made them look rather silly, as the hat was far too large for these tiny children. Harry was certain that this "Sorting" Ceremony was really only designed to make the new kids feel unwelcome…until the hat developed a large rip near the brim. Using the rip like a mouth the hat shouted something out in a clear, hatty voice.

"Whoops. Forgot the song. I'll sing it after these kids are done. By the way, HUFFLEPUFF!"

The boy got up, terrified about having the hat scream in his ear and he tossed it on the ground and bolted to the Hufflepuff table, where several people greeted him with open arms. Mcgonagall called the next student who picked the hat up from the stool and repeated the process.

Crabbe was the first of the seven called up, and he ended up in Slytherin. His lumbering form bumped into some students on his way to the table, and while some might attribute that to his clumsiness, the ones he knocked onto the ground were on the opposite end of the room from where he was supposed to be. Course that could still be a result of his poor coordination. His friend Goyle also ended up in Slytherin. Goyle, upon discovering the closest seat taken merely lifted up the girl in the way and dropped her on the ground, taking her seat.

Hermione was then called up, and the girl seemed to be arguing with the hat for quite a while. Apparently it said something she didn't like because she reached up to swat it and it bit her hand. In between her cursing (not of the mystical variety) and it's spitting out her flesh, it managed to shout out Ravenclaw. With a self-satisfied air Hermione took the hat off, leaving it close enough to the edge of the stool to cause it to fall off as she strolled towards her table.

Neville was up soon after, dropping his toad on the way. He was too nervous to pick it up and merely lifted the hat off the stool and put it on his head. It made the decision in a second.

"Another HUFFLEPUFF!"

Soon after that Malfoy strolled up, picked up the hat and started to put it on, smirk in full-display. Before it even touched his head it yelled "GRYFFINDOR!"

There was silence and Draco pulled the hat in front of him like it was cursed. It grinned at him and said "Just kidding. SLYTHERIN!"

Relieved Draco bolted towards the Slytherin table so he could join his cronies, leaving the hat abandoned at Mcgonagall's feet.

After a couple more people went past Ron got called. He went up, worried and anxious, an emotion that intensified as his brothers cheered for him. Ron picked the hat up from by Mcgonagall, who didn't look at him and put it on. As he squirmed in the seat the hat apparently said something that made Ron upset.

"Don't put me in Hufflepuff because I'm loyal!" Ron yelled, practically crying.

"Boy!" The hat said, "Talk to me in your mind!"

"Oh," Ron said, "Sorry."

There was silence for a while.

"Can you hear me?" Ron asked.  
>The hat sighed before screaming, "GRYFFINDOR!"<p>

Ron moaned in relief before yanking the hat off his head and letting it fall to the floor. He joined his brothers who had begun cheering for him, although he still seemed extremely nervous.

Ron was near the end of the list, and soon Harry found himself the only person standing. Mcgonagall cleared her throat and silence pervaded.

"Harry Potter," she said, looking at Harry who had already started walking towards the hat.

As soon as his name was called everyone stopped talking and making noise. Harry picked up the hat and put it on as he took a seat. Immediately his sight grew black, as if someone had draped a dark cloth over his eyes and then told him to close his eyes, only since it wasn't quite that dark he didn't actually close his eyes so he could still kind of see through the cloth. The hat began talking to him soon after.

"Hmm…indeed you are magical, as the Headmaster had predicted."

"What?" Harry asked.

"I'm just making sure you aren't a Muggle that slipped into the school," the hat said.

"Oh."

"Let's see what house you should go in…hmm, strong desire to be liked, sounds like a Hufflepuff thing…not a complete moron, might be a decent Ravenclaw. You have green eyes, might fit in with Slytherin and their green motif…not that brave and probably wouldn't fit in with Gryffindor. No that would be the worst pick for you. I'm going to have to say-"

Before the hat could shout out Harry's fate the boy interrupted it.

"Uh…I'm not sure I understand this…all the smart kids go to Ravenclaw right?"

"Except for the ones that go to Slytherin, yes, all the smart kids go to Ravenclaw."

"Okay, so who goes to Hufflepuff?"

"The one's who weren't smart enough to go to either Ravenclaw or Slytherin and weren't energetic enough for Gryffindor."

"Oh," Harry said, surprised.

"Now as I was saying, GRYFFINDOR!"

There was thunderous applause as Harry carefully took a seat next to Ron, who was staring at him in shock.

"You never told me you were Harry Potter!"

"I didn't know I had to," Harry said, surprised at Ron's amazement, an attitude that was shared by many other students. Before Harry could ask why he was so amazing, an old man at the teacher's table stood up. He looked at the student body over his impressive beard, his eyes twinkling like stars refracted through the earth's atmosphere.

"Another year begins at Hogwarts," the man said, "And I, Albus Percival Wilfric Brian Dumbledore, will be your Headmaster, although I doubt that's a surprise to anyone."

That comment elicited a few chuckles. Harry looked at Ron questioningly, who merely stared back blankly. An older brother of Ron leaned in close and answered their unspoken question.

"I'm Percy, and he's been Headmaster for a whole bunch of years."

"Ah," Harry said, laughing slightly at the now funny joke. Dumbledore continued to speak.

"Listen to your teachers, it is against the rules to go into the Forbidden Forest, and eat your food!"

At the last, food appeared. The students ate the food*, and after they finished eating the food, whatever food was left over vanished back to the kitchen, where the food had been made. After they finished Harry followed his new housemates to the seventh floor where they opened a portrait and went through the portrait to find a room that had been behind the portrait. In the room were doors to other rooms, doors which Harry took to find himself in a room that had a bed. His stuff was at the foot of one of the beds, and after talking a bit with his newfound friends he quickly fell asleep, anxiously awaiting the next day.

*** **_I thought the use of alliteration here would accentuate the drama of the situation. Email me if you disagree._


	3. The Preparation of Potions

**Chapter Three: The Preparation of Potions **

Harry woke up the next day feeling rested and refreshed. He was amazed he was able to sleep at all, seeing as he was so excited to get to perform magic. Changing into his school clothes he changed into his school clothes and followed Ron to the Great Hall. Once there he found himself a seat and quickly and efficiently ate his food.

Mcgonagall, his Head of House, walked around the table, giving students pieces of paper with words on them. The words told the students who received the paper from their Head of House what their class schedule was. Harry and Ron soon found they had Potions first thing, with the Slytherins, in the dungeons.

"We have Potions with the Slytherins!" Ron groaned.

"Is that bad?" Harry asked, not sure what was wrong with that.

"Yes it is that bad," Ron said, answering Harry's question.

Neither of them were sure where the Potion's classroom was, so they followed some Slytherin's after breakfast. Surprisingly they were led down to the dungeons which were suitably creepy and smelly, as all dungeons should be. The Slytherins were joking and laughing and seemed very excited, while the Gryffindors with Ron and Harry seemed much more wary, like a puppy being introduced into a new home, only to find out that it smells like cats.

Entering a room right behind the Slytherin's the two found themselves in a room that made the dungeon look cheery. Various cauldrons were set up in front of small two-person desks, and they were all bubbling ferociously. The cauldrons, not the desks. As Harry and Ron took a seat at one of the desks, Dean turned around, his Irish accent making his speech difficult to follow.

"Do either of you know what-"

"No talking. I'm taking points off for that," a man cut in, striding into the room, cloak billowing behind him like a blanket in front of a large fan.

As soon as the man came in Draco perked up, evil grin growing wider on his pale face. The man was tall and had a long hook-like nose. He looked around the class, noting everybody, and decided to take attendance. Pulling out a sheet of paper similar to the one Mcgonagall had used to store the names of the students for the sorting ceremony, only this one just had the names of the students in his class.

He called them out alphabetically, starting with the Slytherins. He gave Draco a special grin when he said his name, one that the boy returned gleefully. After finishing calling out the Slytherin's names he awarded each Slytherin there five points for having shown up. His face then acquired a bit of a scowl as he switched to the Gryffindors. He called them out, making sarcastic comments as he said each name.

"Finnegan…good to see they're letting African's attend, I always knew they were almost human. Weasley…I'm surprised to see you here, didn't think you're parents had enough money to let you attend. Potter…," Snape paused there and looked at Harry for a long time, his sallow skin paling, like the inverse of how someone who needs a blood transfusion looks after they receive said blood transfusion. "Our new superstar."

"Sir?" Harry said, confused.

"Potter!" Snape snapped, startling said boy, "Since you're so famous you can answer this question: What can you do with the powdered head of a monksbane?"

Snape looked at Harry over his hooked nose, his question acting like the bait a fisherman would put at the end of a hook, waiting for the fish that was Harry. Snape's nose was the hook that speared Harry and the boy's puzzled expression was the fish being reeled in. Snape grinned as he hauled the fish up and said the phrase that would gut said fish.

"Your inability to answer proves that you are not famous. I'm taking points off for your lack of knowledge!"

"What?!" Harry asked, shocked, and several similar shouts of protest arose from the Gryffindors, but they were halted by Snape hurling the gutted fish into his cauldron.

"How dare you talk back to me?!" the Potions Master yelled, over the sound of his bubbling cauldron, "Go see the Headmaster at once while I teach the good students. And the Gryffindors."

Dejected, but reluctant to lose more points, Harry grabbed his things and left the classroom, Ron flashing him a sympathetic glance.

"I'm taking points off for that," Snape said, catching the glance. Draco sniggered.

Harry left the dungeons and headed up to the Headmaster's Office. The halls were empty as everyone had gone to class. Since everyone was in class but him, there were no students to tell Harry how to get through the gargoyle into the office, so he was unable to get into the office. Wondering if he should go back and ask Snape for advice the decision was made for him when the janitor walked up to him, a cat in his lap.

"I'm Argus Filch!" the man declared.

"I'm Harry-" Harry started to say.

"Are ye' trackin' mud in my school?"  
>"N-no."<br>"I think you are! You're going to the Headmaster, mudtracker!"

And without any chance to defend himself Harry was grabbed by the ear and taken up the stairs to the Headmaster's office. Once there Filch said "Skittles!"

The gargoyle moved aside and Harry was pushed up the stairs.

Once there Filch left, mumbling something about finding his cat. Harry gulped before entering the room.  
>It was amazing. Moving pictures of old Headmasters adorned the walls and a Phoenix preened itself by the side of the room. At the head of a huge and well-lit desk sat Albus Dumbledore, the greatest wizard ever. He smiled upon seeing Harry and conjured a chair for the boy to sit in.<p>

"Have a seat my dear boy. What brings you here?"

"I think I'm trouble," Harry said, retrieving a chair from the wall and pulling it in front of Dumbledore, "Professor Snape-"

"_Snape, _Harry," Dumbledore said with a smile, "He hasn't graduated from Professor-school yet."

"Oh…okay. Snape took away points and Filch said I tracked mud."

At that Dumbledore smiled. "Those two. Will they never change?"

"I don't think so sir," Harry said.

"Would you like some muggle candy?" Dumbledore asked, offering a Jolly Rancher to Harry. Harry shook his head and Dumbledore put it in his mouth, chewing it enthusiastically.

Dumbledore suddenly turned serious as if someone had turned his face to stone but dribbled enough water on it to allow the illusion of movement, even though it was merely the skillful use of hydraulics.

"It's a good thing you're here," Dumbledore said, sucking loudly on his lollipop, "I was going to call for you soon anyways."

"Why Professor?" Harry asked, filled with curiosity, like a toddler would upon seeing a meat grinder for the first time.

"Because I have something to tell you about your past," Dumbledore said. At Harry's questioning look he continued. "Your parents died when you were a baby."

"I know," Harry said, "My Aunt and Uncle said they died in a car crash."

"No Harry," Dumbledore said, "That is merely a lie told to you by your relatives because they hate magic and wanted to stop you from learning it. The truth is they were killed on Halloween, Oct 31, in 1981."

"But…but that's nearly ten years ago!" Harry said, shocked.

"Yes," Dumbledore said, opening a bag of M&M's, "But the surprises aren't done yet. You see, they were killed by a powerful Dark Wizard, Voldemort."

"Who is that?"  
>"You-Know-Who," Dumbledore, speaking the words quickly, "The most dangerous wizard for nearly a century. He died when the curse he cast on you rebounded."<p>

"But why did he want to kill me?"

"Because Snape told him of a prophecy about you and him, and he found out where your parents were because they were betrayed by Peter Pettigrew. Once he found your house he killed your father, then your mother and then tried to kill you. However your mother's love reflected the curse and destroyed his body."

"How do you know all this?" Harry asked.

"Magic, Harry. I used Magic."

Harry was stunned by revelation after revelation, but he managed to gather his wits enough to ask one question.

"What did the prophecy say?"  
>At that Dumbledore smiled and said Harry wasn't old enough to know that yet. He also told him not to be mad at Snape, he didn't mean to kill his parents. Harry nodded, understanding of the terrible forces driving Snape.<p>

"But why did Voldemort turn evil?" Harry asked, "Couldn't he just be happy being like everyone else?"

"Well you see," Dumbledore said sagely, "If everyone was the same, there would be no differences."

Harry looked confused, but Dumbledore told him it would make more sense when he was older.  
>"You should probably toddle on back to your dorm Harry, it's late and it has been a long day."<p>

Harry nodded, getting up and turning towards the door. Before he left he turned around and asked Dumbledore one question.

"Sir? What was his name?"

"Hmm?" Dumbledore said, although he already knew what Harry was asking.

"The man who killed my parents, what was his name?"  
>"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, name was…Voldemort."<p> 


	4. Harry at Hogsmeade

**Chapter Four: Harry at Hogsmeade **

After talking to Dumbledore and going back to his dorm room to get some money, Harry headed down to the entrance of the castle to join the other students as they waited for the Knight Bus to get to Hogsmeade. The bus only came every other half hour, and it had just left with some students earlier, so Harry and Ron were in for a long wait.

While they waited, they talked about their busy classes, and what they thought about the classes they had taken so far. Their conversation ended abruptly though, when they lost track of time and became distracted. Soon the Bus arrived and Harry and Ron stopped talking so they could focus on getting on the vehicle.

They were the only First Years on the Bus and several of the other students gave them suspicious glares. The bus driver didn't seem to care about them, but one of the students, a Ravenclaw Fifth Year stood up and walked over to Harry and Ron, stumbling slightly as the bus hit a magical pothole, which is a hole formed by magical vehicles constantly driving over an area on a magical road. It can only be fixed by magic.

"What you two doing here?" the Slytherin demanded. "Only third years are allowed to go to Hogsmeade. Are you two Third Years?"  
>"No we're not," Harry said. "But we have special permission from Dumbledore saying that we can go to Hogsmeade."<p>

The Slytherin stepped back and the muttering that had taken place when Harry and Ron got on the Bus stopped at Dumbledore's name.

"Oh. Sorry about that," the Slytherin said, sitting back down.

No one bothered them the rest of the way there. When the Train stopped they all got off, making sure to tip the conductor so that he wouldn't abandon them while they went to buy stuff. As soon as they had left the Train Station, Harry and Ron ran off into Hogsmeade, excited by the prospect of being in Hogsmeade.

Their first stop was in Zonko's Joke Shop. They looked at several jokes and pranks that were being sold in the shop. Ron stepped up to the display window, interested by a basket of candies that no one seemed to be watching. He reached his hand in…only to yank it back as a mousetrap had fastened itself to his fingers.

"Oh no!" Harry said, trying to help the whimpering Ron remove the object. "Who would do such a thing?!"

"There's only one person who would prank a bag of sweets," Ron grumbled, as a pair of red-headed twins came out from their hiding spot underneath the table the sweets were on. "Fred and George!"

"Hello brother of ours!" the one on the left side said.

"How nice of you to introduce us to your friend," the other one said.

"But you gave him the wrong names!"

"Yes! I am Gred!"

"And I am Forge!"  
>"Or perhaps I am Free!"<p>

"And I am Georgd!"

Both laughed heartily at their witty wordplay, their cheerful attitude bringing a smile to Harry's previously unsmiling face.

"You got me good," Ron said with a pained grimace as he tossed the mousetrap to the ground.

"And we didn't even use magic!" Fred said.

"Let that be a lesson to you two, some of the best pranks…are ones that **don't **use magic!"  
>"Thank you!" Harry said enthusiastically, filing the information away for later use.<p>

"We should get going," Ron said, pulling Harry away as the twins prepared to prank another unsuspecting person, the grins on their faces similar to the grin on the face of a lion just before it disemboweled the cubs of its new mate in order to prevent them from continuing the line of the previous lion that the grinning lion had killed in order to become king.

"Right!" Harry said. "Our mission for Dumbledore!"

Grinning at the prospect of finally completing their long and arduous task the two left the joke shop and headed towards the post office. On the way though, Ron saw a bar labeled as the Three Broomsticks and suggested they go there.

"That's a great suggestion!" Harry said, eagerly entering the bar.

Several people were dancing on tables, swinging around large mugs of some kind of amber beverage. Several other people were singing a song drunkenly and several others were sitting quietly at the bar. As Harry and Ron slipped past them, they noted that most of them were Hogwarts students.

Madam Rosmerta, a large busty woman, handed them a pair of mugs filled with amber liquid as they walked up to the counter.

"How much?" Ron asked.

Rosmerta looked at him, as if surprised he asked.

"He's poor," Harry said helpfully, to which Ron nodded. Rosmerta smiled and shook her head.

"For a pair of students on a mission for Dumbledore those are free."

"Thank you!" Ron said enthusiastically downing some of the liquid.

Harry seemed less excited about the drink and he asked Ron what it was.

"It's Butterbeer Harry!" Ron said, some foam frosting around his mouth, like the fake beard of a mall store Santa Claus as small children cluster around him, eager to have their fortunes told.

"Aren't we a little young for beer?" Harry asked, to which Ron laughed.

"It doesn't have a whole lot of alcohol in it. It's totally cool."  
>Harry was still unsure, but he wanted to remain cool in the eyes of his peers so he quickly downed some of it. It was quite delicious. It had the thick fruity undertones of a bottle of rum, while maintaining the warmth of coffee. He quickly drank all of it, only to find Ron had finished three and was getting ready to leave. Harry was disappointed that he didn't get any more butterbeer, but he knew that if he or Ron failed in their mission Dumbledore would be horribly angry, which would probably be a bad thing.<p>

As the two left they decided it would probably be best for them to go to the post office and retrieve the package Dumbledore had told them about. When they mentioned it to the attendant he looked suspicious, before casting a quick spell with his wand. Satisfied with whatever the results were he pulled out a square, rectangular box-like container with about the same dimensions as a small shoebox. He gave it to them and they thanked him profusely.

"Don't thank me. I'm just glad to get rid of that thing, it gave me the creeps."

Harry pocketed the box in his thick flowing robes and the two left. They stopped by the Shrieking Shack, interested in seeing the most haunted house in the world. However, before they could approach the spooky shack, they discovered Katie Bell, a young Gryffindor Seeker, being accosted by Malfoy's vicious henchman, Crabbe.

"No Crabbe, I won't give Malfoy any of my Galleons!" Katie said, attempting to run away, before the beefy boy grabbed her.

"What's a Galleon?" Harry asked Ron as they neared.

"It's wizarding currency," Ron whispered. "They're gold coins about the size of Muggle hubcaps."

"You must donate to the Slytherin cause!" Crabbe said in a way that seemed like he was reading a script.

"Get your hands off her!" Harry said, stepping towards him.

"What do you want **nerd**?" Crabbe said, turning his head towards the smaller child.

"I want you to let go of her!" Harry said confidently, surprising everyone there. They were surprised because up to this point Harry had not been very confident, so to see him show such bravery here was startling and unexpected.

"And why should I do that?" Crabbe asked after recovering from the surprise he had felt from seeing Harry not be afraid.

"Because," Ron said, stepping forward as Harry began to falter. "We are on a mission from Dumbledore!"

Crabbe immediately let go of Katie Bell, and his face became a frightened mask.

"I'm really sorry! Please don't tell him!"

Before anyone could respond he ran off and quickly vanished from sight.

"Thank you!" Katie said, brushing off her robes. "You two have some real talent. You should stop by the Quidditch pitch sometime, we might have a place for two First Years capable of standing up to someone as intimidating as Crabbe."  
>Harry and Ron nodded, but then said they should probably get back. Katie told them that was fine and even offered to walk them back to the castle. Ten minutes later Harry and Ron were heading up the stairs to Dumbledore's office.<p>

"Ah my two favorite students," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling as they walked in. "I trust there were no problems?"

Harry and Ron looked at each other and grinned.

"None at all Professor," Harry said.

"Good!" Dumbledore said, smiling back. "Did you get the package?"  
>"Yes we did," Ron answered, pulling out the envelope from his robes and handing to the elderly Headmaster.<p>

"Excellent," Dumbledore said, opening the envelope. "Do you know what you boys found?"

Both shook their heads as Dumbledore unfurled a roll of parchment.

"You found a map…to the Dagger of Foreboding!"


	5. Transfiguration Class

**Chapter Five: Transfiguration Class**

As Dumbledore looked at the map, Harry cleared his throat.

"Oh you're still here?" Dumbledore asked, peering over his spectacles.

"Yes sir. Um…what exactly is the Dagger of Foreboding?"

Dumbledore seemed to think for a while, staring at the map and then at Harry. "How long have you been a student here?"

"Since yesterday," Harry answered promptly.

"Hmm," Dumbledore said, thinking hard. "No. Not quite enough time."

"Sir?"

"You need to spend more time at the school before I consider you ready to learn about the item that I made you fetch the map for. Go resume your studies."

"Oh," Harry said, dejectedly, leaving the room. Yet again Dumbledore refused to keep him informed. He was getting really tired of this.

Harry wandered around, not sure where he was going when Ron popped out the third floor bathroom.

"Harry!" Ron said, surprised to see him. "You should be in Transfiguration! You're going to be late!"

"Yeah, but I don't know-"

Ron grabbed Harry and the two of them ran towards their Transfiguration class…only to be stopped by a floating tiny transluscent man in a jester's outfit. He had the general appearance of a mottled boulder, if the boulder looked like the ghost of a midget masquerading as a clown after it escaped from the asylum. The magical asylum!

"Eh? Who do we have here? Wee little Potter? Your face is certainly stupid for such a magical little boy!"

"No, your face is stupid!" Harry retorted, stunning the poltergeist.

"Go away Peeves," Ron said, demonstrating his impressive knowledge of all things Hogwarts again. "We don't have time for your stupid poltergeist shenanigans now."

"Yeah! We're late for class!" Harry said defiantly.

"Hmph!" Peeves said, "I'll let you go this time! But next time I won't let you go! And then you'll be stuck!"  
>Laughing, he cackled away, his crazy giggles filling the hallways. Ron shook his head and pulled Harry into a nearby door.<p>

"You're late!" Hermione said, spying them immediately as they tried to find a seat. "I've been reading _The History of Hogwarts_, and the punishment for lateness is usually detention!"

"Oh please," Ron said. "The teacher isn't even here."

Indeed he was correct. As Harry and Ron found some empty seats the only creature that wasn't a student was a cat with spectacles sitting on the desk. It hissed slightly when Ron said that and with a twisting, grinding motion it turned into McGonagall!  
>"She's a werecat?" Harry asked.<p>

"I think so!" Ron whispered back.

McGonagall groaned and shook her now human head. "I am an Animagus. **Not **a werecat."

Harry frowned, his brain shooting neurons around like a black-hatted desperado would shoot bullets around in a desperate attempt to hit the sheriff before he himself was shot in the leg or throat.

"You're the animal leader of a group of mystical warriors known as the Magi?" Harry asked hopefully, his final thought being more like the bullet that pinged harmlessly off the Sheriff's badge on his chest, rather than one that landed a decisive blow through his eye socket.

"What? No!" McGonagall said, as other students began to snigger. "I can simply turn into an animal. Now let us continue with class!"

She began to instruct them on how to transfigure objects into other, different objects.

"The general idea is very simple," McGonagall stated, waving her wand around for emphasis. "You merely point your wand at what you wish to transfigure, say the magical transfiguration words that are different for every transfiguration and concentrate on what you want it to transfigure into. Once you have done that the transfiguration should take effect and you will have completed the transfiguration attempt. Any questions?"  
>"I have a question," Hermione said, raising her hand. "How can you transfigure something into something else with greater or less mass? According to <em>Of Science, An Instruction, <em>that should be scientifically impossible."  
>"Magic," McGonagall said smoothly, smiling at Hermione. "Ten points to Gryffindor for asking me a question."<p>

Hermione smiled and looked smugly at everyone. Frowning a Slytherin student called Theodore Nott raised his hand. "I have a question as well!"  
>"Yes?" McGonagall said as the boy didn't seem to have one prepared.<p>

"Uh…um…how can you turn inanimate objects into living creatures? How could you possibly give them the mental capacity to survive?"

McGonagall frowned and she didn't answer immediately. Before the silence dragged on too long she spoke sharply and suddenly. "Magic. Ten points from Slytherin for not knowing the answer to such an obvious question."

The Slytherins grumbled at this while the Gryffindors did the opposite of grumbling, which is usually a series of hearty back-slaps and loud chuckles, although sometimes it can also be mocking laughter and pointing.

After a while of this McGonagall awarded the Gryffindors some more points and then instructed them to turn a button into a needle, something that if done accidentally would certainly teach snappily dressed people a lesson in wearing clothing that can be turned into sharp things that are not clothing by young witches and wizards. If applied in reverse it could make sewing very difficult.

Hermione was able to do it on her third try, and after smiling at her and giving her several more points, she allowed Hermione to leave early. Able to leave early, Hermione took advantage of being able to leave early and left the class before her scheduled time of release. Frustrated with his lack of success with the transfiguration, Ron grunted and jabbed his wand at the button.

There was a puff of magical smoke and when it cleared and the students stopped coughing Ron's transfigured button was apparent. It still looked like a button, although it seemed rather pointy and when Ron went to touch it he hissed in pain and drew his injured finger to his face.

McGonagall stepped over and looked down at the shoddy Transfiguration attempt like an English teacher would look down on someone using a simile and calling it a metaphor.

"Five points to Gryffindor," McGonagall said, sighing. "At least you tried."

After several more failed attempts at making a pin, Harry managed to make one, inspiring a surprised glance from everyone, including Hermione who had made a pin only a few seconds before him. McGonagall was surprised, but not grumpy and so she awarded him some points and then took some points away from the Slytherins because they weren't trying hard enough.

Once class was over and everyone, including a chubby boy named Neville who didn't appear to be very bright, had made some progress towards transfiguring something, McGonagall let them go. Ron bolted out of class, but Hermione and surprisingly Harry stayed behind. It is surprising that Harry stayed behind because not only is he very shy and therefore reluctant to face a teacher, but Ron is also his best and only friend and he would therefore normally wish to spend some time with him rather than with Hermione or the teacher that he had stayed after to meet with.

"Professor," Hermione started. "Since I did so much better than everyone else today, could I have some additional homework that I would use to challenge myself so that I continue to perform better than everyone else?"  
>"Of course," McGonagall said with a smile. "Fifteen points to Gryffindor for asking and here is your additional homework."<br>Hermione accepted the parchment with only a high-pitched squeal of glee to reveal her excitement, before she scurried out of the classroom, practically skipping with joy.

"And what do you want Mr. Potter?" McGonagall said kindly, knowing the boy had no parents and was therefore an orphan.

"I just had a small question," Harry said nervously.

"And it is?"

Harry gulped loudly, before summoning up the courage he was already famous for. "Why do you give so many points to Gryffindors and take so many away from the Slytherins?"  
>McGonagall seemed surprised by the question, but not angry and awarded Harry several points for asking it. Once that was done she explained herself.<br>"You see Harry, Snape hates Gryffindors because your father, who was a Gryffindor, made fun of him and teased him."  
>"Like Malfoy does with me?"<p>

"Yes! Exactly! And so he demonstrates that hatred by taking points away from them and awarding them to the Slytherins. Now we other teachers could talk to him about it, but we think it greatly improves the House Point dynamic if we all simply work around his unchangeable bias."

"Oh!" Harry said. "I get it. You teachers sure are clever!"

"Yes," McGonagall said with a laugh. "We are."  
>"Thank you!" Harry said, leaving the classroom with a big grin, glad that a question he had that he didn't know the answer to had been answered. However his grin quickly faded when he literally bumped into a blond-haired Draco Malfoy. And by literally it is meant that he actually, physically bumped into the boy and not figuratively bumped into him or almost bumped into him but managed to stop before physical contact was made.<p>

"I'm sorry!" Harry said, stepping back.

"You should be, Potter," Malfoy drawled, brushing at his robes as if Harry's greasy unwashed body had somehow dirtied the fine magical cloth. "I was just coming to inform you that you have detention with the Potion Master."  
>"Who?"<p>

Malfoy sneered. "Snape."


	6. Professor of Potions

**Chapter Six: Problems with the Not-yet Professor of Potions who is also a Potions Master**

As Harry came out of the class Malfoy grabbed him and hurled him into the wall.

"Ow!" Harry said in pain.

"You have detention with Snape. Come along."  
>"Okay."<p>

Harry followed Malfoy to the dungeons. When they reached the Potions room Draco opened the door, peeked in and then closed it.

"He must be in his office," Draco said snobbily. "If you had as much class as I did you might have known that."

"Whatever," Harry said, tired of Draco's taunting.

Draco snorted, but internally was quite upset that his carefully thought out insults were being brushed aside. Frustrated he dragged Harry through the dungeons, knocking on the various doors strewn about. After checking Snape's office and finding nothing, Harry suggested the Potions classroom. Draco said that's where he was going to next anyway, and soon the two arrived in the room, where Snape was waiting.

"I have been waiting for you Harry Potter," Severus Snape said slowly, his sallow skin glinting dangerously in the light from the bubbling cauldron, like that of a disco ball in a 70's dance club if instead of clothes everyone was wearing turned on flashlights and were doing a movement intensive dance that caused the lights from the their flashlight clothes to bounce off the disco ball repeatedly.

"Sir?" Harry said hesitantly. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes Potter," Snape spat, "You suck at Potions and therefore need to have detention. Leave me with this boy Draco."

"Yes godfather," Draco said, smirking as he left the room. His response caused Harry to gasp and look at Snape in shock.

"Yes Potter, **I** am Draco's godfather."

"I had no idea sir," Harry said. "But that certainly explains a lot."  
>"Do you know why I asked for you?" Snape asked, peering at Harry with sunken eyes.<p>

"Because you hate my father and therefore me?" Harry responded.

Snape sighed at that before responding. "Harry, I do not hate your father."  
>Harry was shocked, and his wide-open eyes indicated this to Snape. "But Dumbledore said that you hated my father!"<br>"Yes Harry, I do!" Snape snarled. "And do you know why?"  
>"No! Why?!"<br>"Because he was an arrogant jerk!"

"I'm sorry sir."

"You should be," Snape sneered. "Because I shall now take my revenge on him the only way I know how…through his son!"

"What do you mean?!" Harry demanded, quivering with fear.

"Take off your robes!"  
>"What?"<br>"Do it or I shall assign more detention!"  
>Terrified, but seeing no other way, Harry removed his robes, and then at Snape's insistence took off his remaining clothes. Soon he stood, clotheless and robeless before the Potion's Master, his young child-like form like that of a child.<p>

"I shall enjoy this," Snape said, removing his robes as well and stepping towards Harry.

"Sir! Please don't do this! I am just a boy!" Harry pleaded, quavering before the terrifying malice of the master of potions.

"That makes it all the more enjoyable," Snape said, exposing his throbbing potions flask, clearly filled to the brim with mystical fluids.

Grabbing Harry and throwing him to the floor, Snape mounted him, thrusting his flask into Harry's cold cauldron, to the delightful sounds of his pained screams. The bubbling sounds of potions in the classroom provided a stark contrast to Harry's poor violated form as Snape drove his flask into the soft, supple cauldron again and again. When Harry could take no more, Snape emptied his flask of magic liquids into the cauldron.

"Thank you for helping me make some Venenum Potion, Mr. Potter," Snape said.

"Oh no problem sir. I just hope that we can put our history behind us," Harry responded as Snape bottled up the violet liquid.

"Don't be so confident about that," Snape said. "I still hate your father, and by extension you. I will not hesitate to unfairly punish you in class, even in spite of your assistance with this difficult potion. Now leave."

Harry nodded and left. As soon as he entered the Great Hall Ron ran up to him.

"Oi, mate! Are you okay?"  
>"Yeah, I'm fine," Harry said, walking to the water-closet. "Snape's an asshole, but at least he can make potions, which is more than I can say about Draco."<p>

"Don't open that water-closet Harry!" Ron said, grabbing Harry's hand. "There's a couple snogging in there!"

"Oh yeah. They're always in there," Harry said, laughing.  
>"Good one Harry!" Ron said, laughing as well.<p>

Before the two could continue their merriment, Hermione came down and found them.

"This is no time to be laughing you two!" Hermione scolded.

"Oh be quiet," Ron said. "I will definitely never like you because you are bossy and a know-it-all!"  
>"Oh yeah Ronald?" Hermione snapped. "Well I will definitely never like you because you're poor and have orange hair!"<br>The two glared at each other most intently, sparks shooting between their eyes. Harry stared, confused and frightened, until a spark caught him on the cheek.

"Ow! Stop fighting you guys!"

"Okay," Ron said. "But only because I like you more than I will ever like Hermione."

"Ditto," Hermione said.

"What did you want?" Harry asked.

"I came to tell you that McGonagall wants to see you. In fact, she wants to see all of us!"

"That sounds important!" Ron exclaimed.

"Yes it does!" Harry shouted back.

"Let's go!" Hermione yelled, before turning to lead the two to McGonagall's office.

Once they reached her office, she seemed quite happy to see them.

"At last you show up. I hope detention was worth it, Mr. Potter?"  
>"Yes Professor," Harry said, abashed.<p>

"You should be abashed! Detention on your first day!" Hermione said.

"I agree, ten points to Gryffindor for your astute observation Miss Granger. And I suppose five points for surviving detention with Snape."

"YAY!" All three said.

"But enough joy," McGonagall said sharply, bringing the three back to earth like gravity drags down a space station carrying seven passengers, the outer ring of the station burning off in the atmosphere, killing three of them and sending the smoldering wreck into a major population center, killing hundreds, while the main part of the station slams into the ocean, killing three of the remaining four and murdering thousands of fish. The last passenger, confident in his survival would then crawl out of the ruined station…just as a spark lands on a nearby oil rig, obliterating him. "We must go see Professor Dumbledore."

The four left to go see Professor Dumbledore, McGonagall awarding Ron 18 points for talking about Quidditch on the way, and Hermione 25 for not talking about anything. Soon they reached the Headmaster's office, where Dumbledore had been waiting for them.

"It's good to see you all again," Dumbledore said happily. "I have big news. Harry, your beloved cousin, Dudley is coming to Hogwarts."  
>"Oh no!" Harry said, mind awash with thoughts of the Dursleys.<p>

"What's wrong?" Everyone besides Harry said, as Harry already knew what was wrong and therefore did not need to ask himself what was wrong.

"Well, it all began when I was a baby," Harry started as the memories began to return…


	7. Memories of a Child

**Chapter Seven: Memories of a Child who was Abused**

Harry began to talk to the others in Dumbledore's office, to Mcgonagall, Ron, Hermione and even Dumbledore himself. He told them about his childhood and what happened in it; as far back as he could remember.

"I was dropped off at the Dursley's when I was a baby. I don't remember that part very well, because of my being a baby, but they told me I smelled like a magical wet dog all the time, even when I didn't. Even at that young age I knew something was different about me, because of how I kept making things float and sparks of energy would shoot out of my eyes. The Dursley's kept it quiet though and whenever someone noticed something they would just say that I was a prop in a new movie that's coming out.

They hated magic and told me that every day they saw me, which was every day because I lived in the same house. As them. I remember one time when I was four I woke up before Dudley and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast. My aunt walked in, accused me of using magic to be up before Dudley and then broke my nose with a chair leg she had torn off for just such an occasion.

My Aunt was called Petunia and her abuse was usually more subtle than Vernon, my uncle who simply punched me in the stomach and then laughed as a coughed, yelling about how he could see the magic leaving my body. Petunia would restrict privileges like television and going to the bathroom. Also I had to make food for the Dursleys for every meal, but since I was so small and not good at stuff that tall people were good at, the food I made was usually very poor in quality and the Dursleys would refuse to eat it, hurling it in the trashcan and then throwing me in with it, forcing me to eat the burned and occasionally dangerous ruined meals.

Dudley was no better. He was a year older than me and was much larger. My limited and uncontrollable magical abilities did not protect me from when he dropped on me from a second story window, breaking all three bones in my leg, or when he gathered his gang together and had them tie me up in a burlap sack and beat me with a cast-iron skillet until blood dribbled out of the bag. I wised up though, and usually bought blood from the butchers before one of the scheduled burlap beatings and after a reasonable amount of time I would use a knife that I always carried with me to cut the bag of blood and let it spill out, allowing them to think that I was more injured than I really was.

Originally they kept me in the cupboard under the stairs, where due to the large amount of spider-bites I suffered from, I had to learn the number to the British Poison Control Center, but I had to make sure to make the calls when the Dursley's weren't around or they'd beat me some more. They didn't like me using the phone. Eventually they decided that they didn't want to waste the insurance on me anymore, so they moved my room to the cupboard under the sink, which was much smaller and vastly more uncomfortable, although I did appreciate it for two reasons.

One was that there were no more spiders to worry about, just a leaky pipe and some aggressive mold. The second was that put me closer to the kitchen, which made making meals much easier, and so the beatings did diminish slightly.

School was not much better. While none of the Muggles realized what magic was, even if I accidentally performed it in their faces, like an invisible juggler, between my small size and Dudley, I was never very popular and spent a lot of my time in between classes getting beat up. By the children, not the teachers, they didn't care too much about me since I could never put any effort in the class, because if I did any better than Dudley Vernon made me eat the report card, which admittedly tasted better than the meals I usually made.

There was also Dudley's Aunt Marge, who had several dogs. Whenever she came to visit she would bring a few and the Dursley's would have fun tying bits of meat and dog biscuits to various parts on my body and see how long it would take the dogs to catch me. It never took very long. After the dogs had finished the Dursley's took me to the vet, who would laugh, thank them for the hilarious joke and give me a lollipop. It never tasted very good.

Dudley would often sneak into my room late at night, while I was sleeping in the bed and saw off the legs so the bed would clatter to the floor. He would then bash me about with the bed-legs and saw until his parents came in and grounded me for ruining their furniture.

As I grew older I often attempted to tell other people about what was happening to me, but the Dursley's would claim that my wounds were self-inflicted and that I _wanted _to sleep under the sink and I _wanted_ to fail classes. They were better at lying than I was at telling the truth and I always went home, tired and abused.

So when I got the letter from Hogwarts saying I was a wizard, I was ecstatic. I never thought that those odd occurrences that happened around me was magic, and the Dursley's told me my parents died in a terrorist attack. I always assumed they were the terrorists, due to the way the Dursley's always spoke about them with such disgust, but now I know they were the victims and I can love my parents again. Also learning magic is really cool."

Harry finished his story, panting slightly as he let all the horrible memories float to the surface and then sink back down, like a buoy that temporarily released some air, only to have it scrape against a small floating rock and develop a hole that allowed water to seep in and sink it back to the bottom of the ocean.

The others in the room looked quite upset, with small tears slowly dripping down Hermione's face, Mcgonagall looked like emotion was fighting to break through her iron mask, Ron looked bewildered and hungry, and Dumbledore looked regretful.

"We're so sorry Harry, but we're glad it is all over," Hermione said.

"I am apologetic," Dumbledore said. "But I knew this was going on."

Harry's eyes flashed and he turned to Dumbledore, furious. "If you knew, how could you let it continue?!"

"Harry, if you did not truly suffer, you would be unable to love the way you do now, and Voldemort could never be defeated, ever."  
>"Oh," Harry said. "I am still upset though."<p>

"As you should be, my dear boy. As you should be."

"I can't believe they didn't feed you properly," Ron said. "But I'm glad that I have a friend who also knows what it's like to be poor."

Mcgonagall sniffled before saying, "50 points to Gryffindor, for being so brave and courageous, in the face of neglect and abuse, you poor, poor boy. Actually, make it a 100."

"It shall be done," Dumbledore said.

"Headmaster, why did you call for me?" Harry asked questioningly.

"Excellent question my protégé," Dumbledore said. "You see, there is someone here who I think you should meet."

As Dumbledore spoke, a person crawled out from underneath Dumbledore's desk, revealing himself slowly. Harry spoke his name before Dumbledore could.

"Dudley Dursley…"


	8. Greatest Wizard of our Age

**Chapter Eight: The Greatest Wizard of Our Age**

Harry was in total shock. Of all the people he expected to see come out from behind Dumbledore's desk Dudley was in the bottom 3, eclipsed only by Voldemort, who was dead, and Sirius Black, who was in wizard prison. Dudley had on a grin that Harry had never seen before on his face, rather than the sinister pig-like expression that Dudley normally wore while violently attacking children, this one was calm and intelligent. He wore this new expression like a wealthy pureblood wore dragon skin while her shoes were encased in centaur hooves and Snitch gold embossed her eyelashes.

Hermione was impressed by Dudley as he strode out from behind the desk, his glistening black robes clinging tightly to his muscular frame; a seventeen inch wand was gripped in hand, its black wood sucking in the light around it like the exact opposite of a lantern or a _Lumos _spell.

"What are you doing here?" Harry hissed.

"Is that any way to treat your favorite cousin?" Dudley responded, grin growing wider.

"You are not my favorite cousin!" Harry said angrily. "If anything you are my least favorite cousin!"

"But I am your only cousin," Dudley said, confused at Harry's angry tone.

"I stand by what I said, least favorite cousin," Harry said icily.

"Dudley is here because of me," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling madly. "You see, he is also a wizard and has been sorted into Gryffindor."

"What?" Hermione asked inquisitively. "How is that possible? Everyone knows that two Muggles cannot give birth to one of magical talent!"

"That is what makes Dudley here so special," Dumbledore said, grinning widely as he clapped his hand on Dudley's shoulder. "Not only is he a wizard, but he's also the most powerful wizard I ever met, outside of me and Voldemort and since he is in Gryffindor he will be our greatest weapon!"

"Thank you Professor, but really I just want an opportunity to learn with everyone here, in this prestigious school of magic," Dudley said, grinning slightly.

"Of course," Dumbledore said, smiling indulgently at his favorite student. "Fifty points to Gryffindor."

"I would also like to give him seventy points for being so brave and overcoming his Muggle heritage!" Mcgonagall said rapturously.

Dudley merely grinned wider and raised his hands high, as if politely pleading for the praise to stop.

"Now toddle along," Dumbledore said to the four students. "Dinner is happening soon, and if you don't go to the Great Hall now, there will be no food left. At all."

"Oh no!" Ron said, horrified. "We have to get going!"

"Yes," Hermione said, struggling to turn her attention away from Dudley.

The four left and went down to the Great Hall, Dudley leading the way, his powerful, confident stride making it difficult for the others to follow. The whole way down Harry glared at the back of Dudley's back, as if determined to burn a hole through it and into Dudley's shriveled black heart and the rest of his organs too. Well, maybe not the pancreas. Harry doubted that that organ had much to do with Dudley being a jerk.

When they arrived in the Great Hall the students in the process of eating breakfast stopped eating breakfast to stare at the four students stride gloriously into the hall. The Gryffindors cheered as soon as they saw Dudley's robes, a cheer which only grew louder as they noticed the three students behind him were also Gryffindors. The cheering prompted a sneer of distaste from Snape who quietly removed 50 points from Gryffindor for being disruptive.

The Ravenclaws eyed Dudley suspiciously while the Hufflepuffs merely looked confused. The Slytherins smirked and schemed, preparing the clever and witty insults they would soon be slinging at the Light's newest and greatest champion.

Percy Weasley quickly scooched over, allowing Dudley to take a seat. No one moved for the other three so they had a more challenging time finding a seat, although they eventually all managed to squeeze in around Dudley, where Harry immediately started to surreptitiously stare at Dudley so intensely that the dragon haunch he was chewing on bumped into his neighbors faces several times. Dudley merely grinned, and with skillful use of the magical fork and knife, ate his food so magnificently that several of the girls felt faint. Even Pansy Parkinson started to blush, and she couldn't even see Dudley over the rapidly reddening Millicent Bulstrode.

Eventually Draco could not take it anymore and leapt to his feet, his two ape-like minions getting up as well, knocking aside various bits of food onto some Hufflepuffs that they had been beating under the table. Furiously, at least in Draco's case, the three stomped towards Dudley.

While the Gryffindors ate and basked in the glory of their new hero, the three Slytherins snuck up behind Dudley and with a whispered "_Caecus"_ a bolt of gray magic shot out of Draco's wand and towards Dudley's back. Before the spell even got close, a _Protego _shield appeared behind Dudley and reflected the spell into Crabbe. Blinded and confused he hurled his massive meaty arm around, plowing into Draco's head and severely injuring his face. Vincent attempted to defend himself, but Goyle's blinded hand strike caught him in the gut. Soon all three were in a pile on the ground, spells and punches flying everywhere, to the amusement of everyone.

Except for one person. Dudley merely smiled thinly, not even turning to see his handiwork and Harry frowned, suspicious of Dudley's mysterious motives. Snarling, Snape billowed down from the staff table, like a dark storm cloud furrows over a massive city, shooting out bolts of lightning that are not only horribly accurate but also have the side effect of taking points away. With a mighty shout of _Finite Incantatem _the spells vanished and the Slytherins shakily clambered to their tiny feet.

"Five points to Slytherin for attempting to show up the Gryffindors!" Snape hissed, the low amount of points he awarded showing how furious he was. With a huff he turned away and retreated into the dungeons, followed closely by most of the Slytherins. As soon as they left, everyone clapped and cheered for Dudley, and Dumbledore grinned wider than he had ever had ever grinned ever before ever.

Dudley merely finished his meal and with a charismatic grin, led his Gryffindors down to the dungeons, so that they may take their Potions class. However, they didn't get far before Malfoy stopped just before they entered the classroom, the effects of Dudley's amazing curse having been just barely dispelled by Snape. Gregory and Goyle were still being cured by Madam Pomfrey, after Snape had disgustedly finished awarding them points that even he admitted were on shaky grounds.

Malfoy's eyes gleamed like that of a shark once it spots a fish that it thinks it can eat. Little did this shark know was that the fish it thought it saw was really just the fish-shaped fin of a larger carnivore that was merely luring Malfoy in to eat him.

"Well, well Mudblood," Malfoy hissed, drawing a gasp of surprised shock from Hermione. "I can't believe Dumbledore let one like you here in this most esteemed Hog of Warts!"

Dudley merely narrowed his eyes, before quickly and efficiently cutting Malfoy down.

"You have no right to talk to me about my parentage. Your father was a Death Eater, and you have old person hair."

Draco drew back as if struck. "My father never ate death! Curse you Dudley!"

With that last scream Malfoy dashed into the Potions classroom, followed closely by the Gryffindors. As soon as they were inside, Snape took several points off for being late, although as they could all see on the clock on the wall, they were still several minutes early, a fact that Dudley quickly pointed out.

"You're being unreasonable! We're early!"

"So, Dudley Dursley," Snape snarled. "You think that just because you are the Headmaster's chosen one you have the right to question my teaching methods?!"

"You fool!" Dudley said, his deep voice easily overpowering Snape's low whisper. "Our punctuality has nothing to do with your teaching! You hate children!"

"I do not!" Snape said frantically. "I think children are great! Detention and more points taken away for questioning me!"

"I have an idea," Dudley said, to Harry's chagrin. "What if I made the most difficult potion ever and if I did it right, I get points and no detention? If I fail, I will join the Slytherin House!"

"Deal!" Snape said with a snake-like grin, shaking Dudley's massive muscular hand.

"Professor?" Blaise Zabini said, "I don't think this is a good-"

"Silence!" Snape said. "I know what I am doing!"

Despite the fact that there was an actual potion they were supposed to be making, everyone watched breathlessly as Dudley made the _Diffitus _potion, the most difficult potion ever. It had no actual effects on anything and looked just like water. The only actual way to tell if it was brewed properly is if nothing happened. If done wrong, it could explode with the force of ten magical bombs!

Interestingly enough this was the one class period that the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's didn't develop a huge point disparity, mostly because Snape was too busy watching Dudley brew with bated breath.

In the end though, as Snape feared, Dudley brewed it perfectly, and in half the time they thought possible. Disgusted and distraught, Snape dispatched them all, declaring that detentions would be served, although for now class was done.

As soon as they left the Great Hall, Dudley turned to Harry. "That's enough Harry. I think I've proved myself. Why do you still so irrationally hate me?"

"Yeah!" Hermione said, irritated for Dudley's sake. Harry looked at them in surprise, his glare of resentment fading as even Ron looked at Harry with disappointment.

"He helped abused me! Don't you remember?!"

"That's old news Harry," Fred said.

"Get over it mate," George agreed.

"No," Dudley said placatingly, raising his glorious wand. "Harry deserves to know the truth. You see, Harry…I too was abused as a child!"


	9. He Suffered As Well!

**Chapter Nine: He Suffered as Well!**

Dudley turned to Harry and said, "You all need to hear this. Just because Harry was abused, does not mean that I did not suffer equally and sometimes more than equally in that house!"

"Impossible," Harry whispered, stunned more than he had ever been stunned by anything in his life. "My aunt and uncle loved you!"

"No," Dudley said with great gravity. "They loved my name and what I was, but they did love **me!**"

"I don't understand," Hermione said, her heart going all aflutter.

"They loved the idea of their son, who was called Dudley Dursley, but they didn't love me as an individual person. I was just a means for my parents to get an heir and a thing to dote on. My magic manifested early on, but seeing how they treated Harry I knew it would be best to not showcase it. So I kept it hidden and pretended to be a normal person. I even cast an illusion on myself so that I appeared fat and ponderous, so no one would suspect my magical talents.

I still wasn't good enough for them though, they wanted me to best Harry in every way possible and that included weathering sterner abuse. That time I fell on Harry was because Vernon threw me through a window and it was only because I cast a Cushioning Charm in time that we both didn't die."  
>"I can't believe I owe you my life," Harry said shamefully.<p>

"Yes, you do," Dudley told him. "But you see, it's more complicated than that. You may think you were moved out of the cupboard because Petunia couldn't waste their medical insurance on you, but in reality it was so they could put me in there so that my room could be used for nefarious purposes!"

"What kind of nefarious purposes?" Ron demanded, furious that people could be so awful without poverty driving their darker urges.

"Child abuse!" Dudley said with a flourish that made everyone gasp, except for Dumbledore who merely twinkled his eyes while his mustache furled. "Yes, that was what they punched me out of the room for! And that time when I cut off the legs of Harry's bed? Well I didn't beat him with them, although he thinks I did in the confusion of the moment, I was actually trying to get him a weapon so that he could defend himself from my parents, but alas I failed in convincing him of this."  
>"I'm so sorry!" Harry wailed plaintively. "If only I knew how hard of a life you had!"<p>

"If only you did," Dudley said sorrowfully. "But it is in the past now, and we should get to class."

"Yes! Class!" Hermione said excitedly, excited that someone else that she knew was excited about the exciting options that class offered.

So the six went to their next class, History of Magic with Professor Binns. He started off by immediately talking about goblin rebellions and his droning voice soon sent everyone into a near stupor. Dudley frowned and raised a hand, causing the ghostly ghost to stop and face him, his confused face like that of a hooked fish after it was yanked out of the water and hurled with a wet slap to the wooden dock where it was then forced to flap around until the person yanked the hook out and bashed the fish in the head before tossing it into a cooler with seventeen other fish, three of which were trout.

"What is it…Dudley?" Binns asked.

"You said the Goblin Rockgarg killed 38 wizards during his reign of terror in 1458, correct?"  
>"I did," Binns said slowly, his ghostly eyes narrowing as Hermione scribbled frantically in her notebook. Some of the other students started to stir as well, as something was happening that hadn't happened in decades…someone was actually questioning Binns.<p>

"Well according to my eidetic memory, Rockgarg actually _saved forty _wizards during his reign of _peace _in 1532!"

"You must be wrong! Or perhaps I misspoke!"

"No," Dudley declared, "There's no way you could be **that **wrong and you have been giving us inaccurate information all class!"  
>"I'm old and dead!" Binns said. "I make mistakes!"<p>

"And that's not all," Dudley continued to the now awakened shock of everyone in the room. "I suspected it when I first arrived in the school, but now I'm sure. You weaved an enchantment in this room that cost you your life, didn't you?!"

"MAYBE?!" Binns shouted inconclusively his frantic spectral mouth quivering with ectoplasmic fear.

"I knew it!" Dudley said triumphantly. "Your enchantment, combined with your mystical voice forces all who listen to it to sink into a stupor where you then slowly turn their brains into figurative mush with useless information that you are actually using as a magic code to drain power from your students in a slow minor way…just enough to keep you alive forever! As a ghost!"  
>"If that was true," Binns said, panicking, "Then why were you not affected?"<br>"I am too powerful for your feeble spells! Now be banished!_Pello Pepulli Pulsum_!"

With a fantastic wave of his wand a brilliant golden light shot out of Dudley's wand and slammed into the ghost. He screamed once, briefly, before vanishing into the ether. Everyone in the class cheered and Dudley said, "All right everyone, let's go to Herbology!"

"YAY!" all the students said, as they followed him to the Greenhouse.

Herbology went by with much less fanfare than History of Magic and the only note-worthy thing that happened in that class was Dudley winning Gryffindor one hundred points for rescuing Professor Sprout from a murderous Venomous Tentacula. In Charms he taught Professor Flitwick a new Charm, winning him an additional sixty points and in Care of Magical Creatures, Hagrid gave Dudley points for casting a spell that made Flobberworms interesting. Soon the only thing left was Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Class started off normally enough, with Quirrel babbling on about Inferi and Nundu and everyone pretended to pay attention. Dudley however stared suspiciously at Quirrel.

"What is it Dudley?" Harry asked his hero.

"Something's wrong with Quirrel."

"What is it?" Ron asked his new best friend.

"What kind of person wears a turban?" Dudley asked.

"A terrorist?" Hermione inquired.

Dudley frowned and shook his head. "That's not very nice Hermione, I'm sure there are lots of terrorists that don't wear turbans."

Hermione looked at the ground, abashed, "I'm so sorry Dudley! Could you forgive me?"  
>"Of course," Dudley said, exhibiting his boundless capacity for mercy. "But Quirrel will need to be watched."<p>

Quirrel didn't notice the conversation going on as he couldn't hear the conversation over the sound of his teaching. But unbeknownst to everyone, even Dudley, was a second pair of ears listening intently from very close to Quirrel…


	10. Quarrel With Quirrel

**Chapter Ten: Quarrel With Quirrel **

After everyone finished DADA the students all went to the Great Hall to partake in some delicious lunch. Dudley began telling everyone who would listen, which was pretty much everyone except for the rotten Slytherins, his daring tales of heroism that day, while Ron ate food and Harry supplemented Dudley's delicious deliveries with some dashing dialogue of his own. Hermione was studying a book that would tell her how to convince someone of Dudley's magnificence that he is perfect for her. All conversations ceased when Dumbledore stood and made an announcement.

"Cease making conversations students," Dumbledore said, winking at Dudley with his twinkling eyes. "I am pleased to announce that you won't have to go without a History of Magic teacher for very long, as our new professor will be arriving shortly."

The students groaned slightly, they were all looking forward to having a free period and already several students had gifted Dudley with gifts in thanks for easing their workload. With a fantastic flourish Dumbledore pointed at the Great Doors and they burst open with a thunderous clatter, and through the doors came:  
>"Dad?!" Ron said, a cry that was echoed by his four siblings currently attending Hogwarts.<p>

Indeed, it was Mr. Weasley, his bald head gleaming slightly from the red hair covering it. He quickly strode to the front of the Hall and faced the students.

"I am looking forward to teaching you about the History of Magic, because I know a lot about that subject. And don't worry," he said as several students started to mumble suspicions to each other, "Unlike your last teacher, I am definitely not evil!"

With that confident declaration all the suspicious people stopped being suspicious, as there was no way he could still be evil after a statement like that.

"Hmm," Dudley said suspiciously.

"What is it best friend?" Ron asked.

"No one told your father Binns was evil…so how did he know?"

Ron paled dramatically at that, but didn't answer. Dudley merely nodded gravely, and as the three finished lunch they left. They didn't get far before they were stopped by Mr. Weasley on the way to their common room.

"Well hello there, Dudley," Mr. Weasley said, giving Dudley an odd stare.

"Hello, Mr. Weasley," Dudley said as politely as possible.

"Please, call me Arthur Weasley," he said, extending a hand that Dudley shook cautiously. "I thought I should see the student that had just done me a great favor by leaving a job open for me. Well, enjoy the Halloween Feast tonight!"

With that, Arthur Weasley spun around and strode to the Teacher's Lounge, with Ron calling after him like a male anglerfish would call after its mate if it had somehow become unstuck and was capable of making vocalizations several thousand feet below the ocean's surface.

Dudley merely shook as head, a strange cloud settling over his thoughts.

"What's wrong, Dudley?" Harry asked his favorite cousin.

"I just felt a vague sense of foreboding," Dudley said, clutching his head. "As if I was nearing the end of my time here."

"Oh no!" Hermione said, and then she fainted.

Several hours later she woke up in the Hospital Wing, surrounded by her many friends. Madam Pomfrey hissed something that Hermione didn't quite understand, but everyone seemed very relieved that she was still alive. They spent the next twelve hours or so playing various Wizarding Games in the Library, like Wizard Chess and Exploding Snap, all of which was much more fun than the ordinary boring Muggle counterparts, like Risk and Parcheesi. Soon their fun ended though, and it was time to go to the Halloween Feast.

As soon as the nine entered the Hall though, Professor Quirrel charged in and shouted that someone had just let a troll in through the girls bathroom on the second floor. Before anyone had a chance to even scream in terrified fright, he charged right back out, saying something about hiding in the watercloset.

Dumbledore tried to calm all the students down, but Arthur Weasley cut him off. "Everyone, return to your rooms! No one besides us teachers is capable of fighting off a troll!"

As the students panicked and ran, Dudley grabbed his friends and barreled up the stairs. "I have to save everyone!" Dudley said determinedly, both hands holding onto his wand.

At last they reached the third floor and in front of them was a terrifying troll, with a big club and smelly nostrils. It looked like a rock had been carved into the shape of an angry tree, and then the tree tried to uproot itself, but only managed to yank a massive log out of the bog that it was in, and the log in the bog was seven feet eight inches long. That's what ran through Harry's mind as Dudley raised his wand.

"_Stupefy!" _Dudley shouted, as a jet of red light shot out of his wand…and skimmed off the troll and splattered into the ceiling. The troll roared and raised its club, ignoring Dudley's second _Stupefy_.

Ron and Harry looked stunned, while Hermione looked at Dudley as he expertly ducked under the club and fired a _Diffindo _at the troll's chest, opening up a shallow cut on the creature's skin that leaked grayish fluid. The troll ignored the minor wound and turned towards Dudley again.

"Feel free to help at any time!" Dudley shouted, dodging a second swing.

"But we don't know any spells!" Hermione said, "All we've learned is some basic Potions and Transfiguration, our other classes didn't teach us anything, which you know since History of Magic was an evil class and we didn't cover Trolls in Care of Magical Creatures, and we didn't learn any battle-runes yet in Arithmancy and-AH!"

Hermione froze as the troll spun and swung its club at her, her high-pitched nasally voice irritating its dull senses.

"_Impedimenta!" _Dudley shouted, putting enough force into the spell that the troll was stopped for a moment, long enough for Neville to tackle Hermione out of the way of the club.

The stomped its foot then, fury driving it to greater and wilder acts of violence, but the students were too small and quick for it in the cramped space of the bathroom. But before they could make a plan, a brutal voice cried out, "_Abrumpo!"_

A bright purple swathe of magic cut through the air and slammed into Dudley's back, propelling him forward and tearing a line of blood through the air. Crying out in pain and surprise, Dudley frantically cast a healing spell as blood poured through the wound. His skin knitted itself back together, almost as if by magic and Dudley turned to face his foe.

"Quirrel?"

"Yes! It is I! The Dark Lord's Greatest Servant!" Quirrel cackled, his turban coming apart and flapping great pieces of cloth around his head. "Die!"

Quirrel shot out another spell that Dudley blocked with flick of his wand. "Why do you want to kill me?"

"You are his greatest adversary, if you die now than you can't stop him! _Avada Kedavra!"_

The green fire leapt from Quirrel's wand and seemed to burn the air itself. Dudley threw himself to the ground and the spell carved a vicious chunk out of the stone wall. Meanwhile, Hermione managed to recall one of the spells she learned about it _Hogwarts, spells that can be used _and cast _Incendio_ at the troll. It missed, since she was young and not very good at magic, but it did hit the wooden club and set it ablaze.

The troll screamed and dropped the flaming club, before reaching for Hermione. Panicked, Harry shouted the first thing that came to his head, "_Windgardium Leviosa!" _and the flaming club slammed into the troll's face, stunning it. It stumbled back until it was near Quirrel who hissed and cast a _Petrificus Totalus _on the troll with enough power that it froze where it was, not even falling to the ground.

_"Let me see the fool that challenges me!" _A thin cold voice cried out.

"But master! You are not ready-"

"_LET ME SEE HIM!"_

"Okay," Quirrel said and poked his turban with his wand. Immediately the cloth forming the turban fell apart and reformed into a hideous face, still connected to Quirrel with a pulsing cloth of turban.

"I knew it!" Hermione said as she and Ron and Harry turned to stand by Dudley, "You ARE a terrorist!"

"_I AM THE DARK LORD VOLDEMORT! FEAR ME, FOR I KILLED HARRY'S PARENTS!"_

"No!" Harry shouted, "That's impossible! They died in a bombing!"

"Prepare to die Dudley!" Quirrel shouted, raising his wand again.

"_Flatus!" _Dudley shouted. Quirrel smirked, preparing to block the blasting curse, only to have it miss. Confused, he followed the yellow beam…straight to the troll's leg. With a horrible grinding sound of shattered bone and gristle the leg blew apart, splattering Quirrel with green troll blood. With a roar of pain and death and unbalance the troll tottered and fell towards Quirrel!

"NOOOOOO!" Quirrel said, raising his hands in front of him, as if to block the slowly falling troll.

"_AAAAAAGH!" _Voldemort said as the troll fell and squished them to death.

Immediately after they fell Dumbledore swirled into the dungeons and froze upon seeing the bodies.

"Go the Great Hall. Dudley, you will be rewarded for this."

Dudley nodded, blinking tiredly as they left. By the time they reached the hall, the teachers were already throwing up banners celebrating Dudley's defeat of yet another teacher and a bad guy. Students were throwing food in the air and clapping their hands and everyone was very happy. However, Harry didn't get far in his meal before he realized Dudley was missing. Confused he tried to look for him, only to find Dudley outside.

A clap of lightning shattered the clear sky and rain poured down as Harry collapsed next to Dudley's corpse. With a cry of rage greater than any he had ever felt before Harry screamed Dudley's murderer's name to the sky.

"CURSE YOU, ARTHUR WEASLEY!"


	11. Evil Beyond Voldemort

**Chapter Eleven: The Evil Beyond Voldemort, who up to this point had been the primary antagonist**

Harry found himself awake in the hospital wing. After discovering that he was indeed Harry and that the hospital wing still looked like the wing of a hospital, he fell asleep.

He woke up later, still torn by thoughts of Dudley and how dead he was, when Madam Pomfrey teleported in front of him.

"Hello Harry!" Pomfrey hissed cheerily.

"Hello Madam Pomfrey," Harry said woozily, as he was still tired from sleeping. "What am I doing in the Hospital Wing?"

"It's just the hospital wing, Harry; you don't need to capitalize it."

"What?" Harry asked.

"You suffered a great shock when Dudley died and because of that shock you fainted."

"How hard did I faint?" Harry asked, feeling the numerous broken arms he had.

"Extremely hard. You've been here for 14 hours and 9 days."

Harry nodded slowly, noting that Pomfrey had blazing red eyes. She probably hadn't gotten enough sleep lately.

"Where are all my friends?" Harry asked.

"You sure ask a lot of questions," Madam Pomfrey said. "That's four in a row."

"What?"

"Now five! You don't even wait to hear the answer before you start asking another question."

As Pomfrey told this to Harry, he noticed that Madam Pomfrey was rather tall, approximately seven feet high and built like the Whomping Willow. He hadn't noticed that immediately because he was trying to figure out why her 2-inch long fangs and forked tongue were bothering him. Maybe she had been working out a lot recently?

"We're right here Harry!" Hermione said, as she and Ron, Harry's only two friends, popped out from under his bed. "We were staying here until you woke up!"

"I still don't feel that it was entirely appropriate to have the two of you stay under the bed," Madam Pomfrey snarled.

"We are only eleven!" Ron said. "I still think girls are gross!"

"As do I!" Hermione said, smiling widely at Madam Pomfrey.

"Hmph. Well, I have to give Mr. Potter here his poison, so just toddle on off."

Madam Pomfrey pulled out a steaming green flask that looked like ground up fish mixed with acid and death.

"Wait, what did you say that was?" Harry asked, worried as Madam Pomfrey moved the flask extremely slowly towards his head-face.

"I think she said it was a potion, mate," Ron said

"Yes, that is what I heard as well!" Hermione said brightly as Madam Pomfrey inched the flask towards Harry like a bumble-bee attempting to slide through molasses as a mosquito covered in amber drips on the bee, while a large fan blows at its fourth highest setting at the insects. For dramatic effect.

"Oh, well if that's what you heard," Harry said nervously as the pot(s)ion burned through the flask and splattered on the floor, where it immediately proceeded to eat through the magically reinforced stone.

"Wizard curse!" Madam Pomfrey said, "I knew I should have used stronger magic on that flask!"

"Madam Pomfrey! I can't believe you just said Wizard curse! There are children present!  
>Hermione said, quite affronted and speaking in her best annoying voice.<p>

"Hiss!" Madam Pomfrey hissed.

"Are you feeling okay?" Harry asked. "Because you look terrifying."

"That does it! No more elaborate plots, you die here!" Madam Pomfrey said, yanking out her wand and aiming at Harry.

Unfortunately for Madam Pomfrey, her massive hand knocked over Harry's bed and it tumbled over on its side, acting as a shield, protecting him from her soon-coming spell. At least it would protect him if the spell was incapable of going through a hospital bed. And this spell, that she was about to cast, was incapable of going through a hospital bed. Additionally, while this was unfortunate for Pomfrey, it was quite fortunate for Harry, so it's important to keep in mind that while life is unfair, sometimes it is unfair in your favor. Or in this case, Harry's favor.

"_Deprecor!"_ Pomfrey said, a puff of spell energy shooting out of her clearly evil wand, but as mentioned earlier it was unable to pass through the hospital bed.

"Madam Pomfrey!" Hermione said, hands on her hips. "Attacking a student is even more irresponsible than saying Wizard curse! I'm going to report this to Dumbledore!"

Hermione turned to do what she said, but Pomfrey pointed her wand at the girl.

"_Desino!"_

When the rippling coil of the magic that came out of her wand hit Hermione, she stopped in place, much like a deer would freeze when confronted with the headlights of a 1997 Crown Victoria. However, in Hermione's case she didn't freeze because of poorly timed instinctual reactions, but because the spell made her stop.

"NO! NOT HERMIONE!" Ron shouted, tackling Madam Pomfrey. Or at least he tried. As mentioned before, Ron is eleven in this chapter and Madam Pomfrey is built like a flaming bear that can eat half of a town. So he bounced off her.

Pomfrey looked at Ron dismissively, before waving her wand over his head. _"Cultus Scriptor."_

Ron shivered drastically before tumbling to the ground. Madam Pomfrey smirked at him, until Harry popped up, having found his wand. It had been on the floor next to his hospital bed which was an oddly convenient place for him to find it, but magic.

"_Primoris Annis Alica!"_ Harry shouted, remembering a spell that Dudley taught him.

The spell did stuff and then Madam Pomfrey collapsed. Professor Dumbledore teleportaled into the Hospital Wing and noticed everything quickly, like a security camera notices a college student shoving jugs of milk into his shirt and attempting to pose as a pregnant lady so that he can flee with the valuable goods.

"Madam Pomfrey?" Dumbledore inquired, making sure that while he peered down at her he didn't step on Hermione too hard.

With a sudden hissing noise that sounded a lot like the sort of noise you would expect to hear when someone mentions a sudden hissing noise Madam Pomfrey's mouth opened and her bulk flew out.

It snarled at everybody, and then flew through a window, leaving a normal looking and unconscious Madam Pomfrey behind.

"Professor Dumbledore?" Hermione asked, as the spell on her wore off. "What just happened?"

"Madam Pomfrey had been possessed by a Parselhead, a significantly more powerful being than a Parselmouth. But don't worry about it, you are only eleven!" Dumbledore said, smiling widely.

Ron popped up suddenly and smiled brightly. "Oi mates! I'm fine!"

"Oh good," Harry said, "That spell apparently had no ill effect on you!"

The foreshadowing crackled in the background and the twins pulled a prank. Everyone laughed.


	12. Issues Are Not Resolved

**Chapter Twelve: Issues that are not resolved, are still not resolved, but progress is made towards resolving them**

After examining Harry in his private spots, like the area behind his ear and his right shoulder, Madam Pomfrey was able to confidently state that not only was he not dead, but he was also completely healthy and free to go. She didn't bother giving Hermione or Ron a check-up, because they are not Harry Potter and never need to be checked up on in the Hospital Wing…an oversight she would eventually regret maybe.

The three all left the Hospital Wing after spending an entire chapter there. Unsure of what to do, as it was not yet tomorrow, the three decided to wander aimlessly around the castle, hoping something would happen that could advance the plot.

And something did!

A scrawny, shawled women with unnecessarily large glasses that made her protuberant ocular orbs look like the protuberant ocular orbs one would expect to find on a large insect, or adorable mammalian creature, not on a person, regardless of the amount of shawl they were wearing, showed up and did not appear surprised at all to be running into the five.

"Ah!" Neville said, who was in fact surprised to be running into the one.

"I foresaw our meeting," the woman, who was secretly Professor Trelawney, said.

"Well, I did too," Harry said. "I could see you walking towards us down the hallway."

"Harry!" Ron said angrily. "Why didn't you warn us?"

"Silly boy," Trelawney said with a titter. "I am a seer. Of the FUTURE."

"I don't understand," Harry said. "Like, you see what happens in the future? Does that stop you from seeing what happens in the present?"

"No, of course not. I merely forget what has happened in the past."

"That makes sense," Hermione said, using her brain magic to study the woman.

"I have proof of my powers…observe! I predict that in a matter of seconds Harry will be surrounded by four rings of light!"

Everyone went "Ooh!" as Trelawney basked in the awe her prediction created. They continued saying ooh, even as Trelawney drew her wand, pointed it at Harry and said: "_Duos Orbis of Lux lucis_!"

A trio of shiny rings, formed entirely out of the photons that form light, slowly surrounded Harry, like a group of slightly drunk bees would move when attempting to dissuade a somewhat disheveled brown bear from using a half-empty chainsaw to cut down the oil rig holding the hive of bees.

"Wow, that was amazing!" Harry said, wonder-struck at such an eerily accurate prediction of future events.

"Yes Harry, this proves that not only am I not a fraud, but also you are the Chosen One!"

"Cool!" Harry said.

Hermione stared at the rings suspiciously, her brain magic working overtime. As Trelawney gleefully mentioned other predictions she predicted she would make, Hermione interrupted. "I apologize for interrupting professor, but I must tell everyone else that I am going to the library to do research!"

"That's okay," Trelawney said with a smile that quirked up on the right side and twitched slightly, "I knew you would ask that."

As Hermione ran off to the library, Ron chuckled slightly. "That Hermione, always running off to research in the Hogwarts school library."

Before anything else could happen, something else happened. And that something was Draco Malfoy!

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Harry Potter," Draco said, sauntering up like he owned the place, which is of course not true as Hogwarts is a public school and does not belong to anyone, not even someone with hair as Wesker-like as Draco Malfoy.

"What do you want Malfoy?" Harry demanded, squinting around the rings that were bobbing around him in a magical, but somewhat irritating manner.

Malfoy attempted to plant his thumbs into his belt and lean back, while snorting out a large quantity of phlegm. His attempt to be badass was thwarted as he realized that his robe had no belt. Since he didn't want to swallow the phlegm, he just jammed his pointy little thumbs into his robe until they poked through and then spat.

"I just saw the wizard version of a western, and I came to rub in how I can see movies and you can't because you are poor and have too many parents," Malfoy said.

"No, that's Ron. I'm wealthy and don't have enough parents," Harry said.

"Ooh! You saw 'The Good, the Bad and the Wizard'?" Ron asked excitedly.

"No, 'Fistful of Wizard Money'," Malfoy said contemptuously.

"Hey don't make fun of my parents! They're dead and can't defend themselves!" Harry said.

"And my parents are too poor to defend themselves from your wealthy insults!"

Malfoy laughed loudly and spectacularly, and everyone quailed before his insulting might.

"Is there no one who can stop this monster?" Neville wailed.

"Foolish fool! Your parents are crazy!" Malfoy said, his terrible words piercing Neville's emotional armor and sending the chubby boy spiraling into an existential crisis.

Lightning crackled and the castle shook as Malfoy grew bloated with his cruel and critical power. The lake sloshed and crashed brutally against the magical swim team.

"Malfoy is a legitimate threat right now!" Ron said

Gulping loudly, Trelawney stepped forward.

"Malfoy…you must stop this madness! I will take points from Slytherin!"

"I can't be stopped; my father has too much money! You are a teacher and therefore don't make enough money to even talk to me!"

"No! I won't let you destroy Hogwarts, Draco, I take five points from Slytherin for blatant disregard for the lives of your classmates!"

Malfoy tumbled backwards, the shock of losing points temporarily weakening his power. But before the heroes could make a come-back, Snape billowed into the room, sneering and sneezing.

"And I award ten points to Slytherin for the initiative he is showing in challenging his peers with a life-threatening situation. He is trying to encourage them to grow as people, and give them character! Also, five points from Gryffindor!"

"Agh!" Trelawney said, reeling backwards. "I have done what I could, but it seems like I am not powerful enough to stand against them."

Wind gusted around the hallway and everyone who was not a Slytherin or Harry was blown back into the walls, with Neville flying out of one of the windows. Harry hunkered down, fighting the ripping wind as Malfoy mocked Harry's lack of parents ruthlessly. All seemed lost, until suddenly Harry had an epiphany!

"You're right Malfoy, I have no parents and can't match you on those grounds…but I do have something I can compete with you in!"

"What?" Malfoy said, shouting to be heard over the screaming tornado his magic insulting words had created.

"The amount of money I have!"

"What? Impossible! The Malfoy's are super-rich!"

"That may be, but all your money and influence stems from your father. My parents are dead, and therefore all of the wealth in my family belongs to me! Making me, Harry Potter, a more wealthy individual than Draco Malfoy!"

** "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **Malfoy shrieked, his world-shattering power shattering as he realized the truth of Harry's statement. "I hate you Harry Potter! I will kill you in your sleep, so when you wake up you'll be dead!" Sobbing in realization at his newfound poorness, he shambled off, never to bother Harry again.

Everyone clapped and cheered for Harry, until Hermione showed up.

"Professor Trelawney is a fraud!"

Literally everyone gasped, even Hermione.

"Hermione, I knew you would say that, and I have a great counter-argument!" Trelawney said, recovering from Hermione's gasping spell first.

"Oh?" Hermione said, recovering from her own gasping spell second.

"Yes!" Trelawney said, recovering again. "You see, the future is not some transparent, easily observed thing. The future is soft and malleable, and for one to truly _see _the future, they must be willing to _change _the future!"

Hermione narrowed her eyes at Trelawney, much how a hunter would narrow his eyes at a second hunter who was attempting to hunt the first hunter's hunt, which is a rude thing to do and should never be done as it is rude. "So your argument is that in order to see the future, you have to make stuff happen?"

"That makes sense," Ron said.

"No it doesn't!" Hermione countered and threw a large library book at his eyebrows. "That book is the official Hogwarts book of future-ness, _Future, A History _and according to the book, when a seer sees the future, they speak in a really deep voice and are creepy. Trelawney, your voice was normal and I didn't find you any creepier than I normally do!"

Trelawney stepped back, certain that what was coming next would be bad. "What are you saying?"

"Professor…you are a fraud!"

"_**NOOOOOOOOO****!**_" Trelawney screamed, noticeably louder, but shorter than Malfoy's scream because her lung capacity was not as good as it could be. Too much magical incense. That's a thing by the way.

"And with that, another teacher is defeated!" Hermione said happily, winning ten points for proving Trelawney was a fraud with logic.

"Whew, it looks like everything bad has been taken care of ever," Ron said. "The future is looking bright!"

"Ronald Weasley," Professor Dumbledore said, teleportaling inside of Seamus Finnegan. "Your sister will be attending Hogwarts, starting now."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	13. Love Sparks

**Chapter Thirteen: Love Sparks on the Quidditch Field!**

Since today was Saturday, and there were no classes on Saturday, Harry and Ron had a day all to themselves. After finishing their delicious magical breakfast, the two decided to take Alicia Spinnet up on the offer she made to them on their first day of school.

The two of them went down to the Quidditch Pitch, where the Gryffindor Quidditch Team was practicing. The only man there, a big burly guy who was guarding the goal-posts while the girls tried to throw balls through the hoops, saw Harry and Ron coming and jumped off his broom to greet them.

"I am Oliver Wood! What brings you two little boys to my lair?"

Ron took the lead on this conversational challenge, as he had more experience talking about Quidditch than Harry.

"We are here to apply for the Quidditch team!"

"Well, well well. We have one opening, but it is against the rules for first-years to play Quidditch ever because they are too tiny," Oliver Wood said, his voice bringing terrible news like a tarantula wasp brings parasitic larvae.

"What if we prove ourselves in a test of skill and mettle?" Ron demanded.

"That's not necessary Ron. We can just wait-"

"A test of skill and mettle? Why, we haven't had one of those for millennia! I like your style red-headed boy-child! Let's see how you two fare…against the Bludger Barrage! Ron's brothers…ATTACK!"

"Oi!" The twins said from thirty feet up, using their Quidditch bats to slam the iron bowling balls at Harry and Ron. Ron, used to his brothers hilarious attempts to pretend to murder him by almost murdering him, easily evaded the ball, but Harry, whose family was dead, was not as accustomed to the joys of older brothers and it was only by stumbling over his broom that he avoided having his skull bashed in.

Despite dodging the first assault, it seemed like things weren't done yet as the Bludgers flew into the air and started circling Ron and Harry like a dog shortly before it goes to bed. The Bludgers made a few feints and dives, always pulling back just as Ron and Harry started to move.

"Boys! Get on your broomsticks!" Oliver Wood said.

"We don't have any! First years aren't allowed to have broomsticks!" Harry said, ducking as a Bludger blew past his head.

"Hmm, that will make this difficult. Fred, George, throw your clubs at them!"

"Yes sir!" Fred and George say, hurling their clubs at Ron and Harry.

Harry managed to backflip over the club and a Bludger, but as Ron prepared to dodge as well the club bounced off the Bludger, sending the ball careening into the ground and the club into Ron's shin.

"OW!" Ron shouted, as his shin hurt. "Harry, you must save us!"

Harry knew Ron was right. He dashed to Oliver Wood, side-stepping as a Bludger crashed into Wood's gut and sending the larger boy tumbling. Before the Bludger's could return, Harry grabbed Wood's broom and took off into the sky, both Bludgers in hot pursuit.

He flew straight towards Fred and Fred's brother, who stuck out their arms, preparing to grab Harry and hold him in place so that the Bludger's may barrage him…but just before Harry was in reach, he shot underneath them.

**KER-POOSH**

And Fred and the other one were hit in the face by the Bludgers and fell to the ground. Harry gracefully landed on the ground and Ron high-fived his head.

"Good show chaps!" Oliver said, as the twins were taken by Bludgers to the hospital wing. "Harry, you get full marks. Ron, you were hit by a club so you lose five points from Gryffindor. You have to step it up, for the Quaffle Scuffle! Girls, do that thing that you do!"

The three older, attractive girls nodded and flew around in a big circular triangle, throwing the lumpy, misshapen Quaffle ball around to each other.

"I know what we have to do!" Ron said, "We have to catch the ball!"

"Catching a ball? Ron that's nearly impossible!" Harry said, still standing on his stolen broom.

"No Harry, it's totally impossible…and that's why we'll do it, because impossible things are really easy as long as you cheat!" And with that, Ron picked up Fred's brother's broom and sat on it too.

"Cheating is for Malfoy's!" Harry said, aghast.

"You shouldn't be a ghast Harry, they're scary."

"I think you're thinking of ghouls," Harry said, as the two flew up.

"Impossible! I'm not afraid of ghouls!" Ron stated confidently.

"I thought you were afraid of something like that," Harry said, carefully studying the attractive older women of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

"Yeah Harry, I'm afraid of GIRLS. They're weird and they have icky parts. Kind of like spiders, but hairier and with less legs."

"We are not spiders!" Alicia Spinnet said, distracted temporarily by Ron's distraction.

"Ah ha!" Harry said, taking advantage of the distraction to steal Spinnet's and the other girl who was not Katie Bell's brooms.

"Oh no!" Katie Bell said with a grin, "I have no one left to pass it to."

"You can pass it to me," Harry said, throwing the brooms at Ron. She did, and everyone caught something.

"Congrats! Ron, you sucked less that time and Harry you're still awesome! Now for the final challenge, Keep-away Keeper!" Oliver Wood said, picking up the three brooms lying on the ground.

He sat on one normally and then used magic to attach the other two to his arms. This seemed unusual until he took off, and then it became clear that the other two brooms were acting like magic rocket engines that blasted him into the stratosphere!

"Quick Harry! Before he comes back! Pass me the Quaffle!" Ron said, as Wood made a long curving loop in the sky.

Harry did, but Wood used his extra broomsticks to correct his course and at blistering speeds he smashed into Ron, shattering his broom and sending the red-head tumbling to the ground. Fortunately the ball bounced up and Harry caught it. Wood smiled and made a laughing noise.

"You are truly talented Harry Potter. I will let you be on my team, and get you a broomstick that does not belong to Fred's brother."

"Wow thanks!" Harry said, getting off his broom and landing next to Ron.

"What about me?" Ron asked.

"You suck," Wood said.

"What?" Ron and Harry shouted.

"I am just JK-ing with you! HA HA! No but seriously you're not good enough. Come back next year."

Before Harry could revel in his victory over Ron, they were suddenly teleportaled into Dumbledore's Office!

"Ah Harry, and Harry's friend Ron. So pleased that you tried to join the Gryffindor Quidditch team," Dumbledore said, his face twinkling with elderly amusement like a sun exploding. "Here is a broomstick Harry."

Dumbledore waved his hand and a large broomstick shaped package appeared in front of Harry. Harry and Ron excitedly open it and discover a broomstick. It was a Nimbus 20000 and it was awesome, but what was really surprising wasn't the broom but who was holding it!

"GINNY?" Ron shouted, his voice amazed.

"Yes, I am your sister Ronald!" Ginny said, her red-headed girlishness sending Ron into an epileptic crisis.

"You see Ronald, since we no longer have Dudley to protect us, I have been searching for family members of existing students that are not quite the appropriate age to start Hogwarts yet and enrolling them in Hogwarts anyways, so that their magical talent may bloom. Ginny is to be in Gryffindor with you, and she is much smarter and prettier than I initially suspected!" Dumbledore said sagely.

"You flatter me, Professor Dumbledore," Ginny said, prancing around like a beautiful antler.

Ron was still in shock, and Harry, confused and suddenly sad again because he remembered Dudley had died, decided to leave. His joy and sadness merged inside him as he trod around the school, until he found himself in the dungeons, where dungeon equipment lay. Dejectedly Harry ran his hands over the wall, next to some manacles, chains and spikes, thinking about how dead his parents were and that it was sad. Before he could degenerate into better, more advanced levels of being sad, a hand pushed Harry into the wall, roughly, but not enough to hurt him.

"What?" Harry said as a pair of arms grabbed the stunned Harry and spun him around, with great skill and grace. And he found himself looking into the face of Ginny!

She rapidly shackled Harry's hands to the wall and grinned mischievously at him. "Oh Harry, I was hoping for some help with…Potions homework. I heard that you and Snape did some Potions together…and the two of you were spectacular."

"Sure, I can help," Harry said, walking over to the table where Ginny's potions homework was strewn about. He helped, and the two bonded and it was cool.

As everything seemed to be winding down, Professor McGonagall suddenly appeared.

"Potter, terrible news. We have discovered your parents bodies. Also, they are dead."


	14. Harry Potter Meets Himself

**Chapter 14: Harry Potter Meets Himself, and he is Famous!**

It was with a heavy robe that Harry was carried to the Hogwarts morgue. Professor Mcgonagall placed him in front of a pair of bodies that were shaped like people.

"Student Potter, do you recognize these people?" Mcgonagall demanded, knowing that if he did not, they would be unable to determine who those people were.

"I might," Harry said, closing his eyes as smelly dead-people noise hit his face. "Could I use a mirror?"

Mcgonagall magicked a mirror at Harry, who used his previously proven Quidditch skills to look at it with his hands. First he stared at his eyes and then at everything but his eyes.

"Has this woman stolen my eyes?" Harry asked politely.

"No Harry, that would require more powerful magic than any random woman could possess."

"This is no random woman professor, this woman has the exact same eyes as me, and I think this man might be some future version of me with his eyes swapped."

"Time travel is impossible Harry, even with magic," Mcgonagall said. "No, it is as I feared. Harry, these are your parents."

"What?" Harry shouted, eating the mirror in horror. "But that would mean-"

"Yes Harry, it means that your parents are dead."

Harry was shocked. For all his life he wondered what had happened to his parents, and now, with the answer before him he was unable to accept it. All the magic in the world couldn't bring his parents back to life…or could it?

"No it can't," Mcgonagall said.

So Harry ran away from his mean, smart professor and went to bed as it was late and bed is a thing that students go to when it is late.

That night Harry had many dreams. Some were of his parents being dead, while others were of his parents being not dead. Some also had his parents be alive, and that last kind of dream was so wonderful that it made Harry feel like how he would feel if he was given the option to kiss a cute girl at the time in the future that he no longer feels like girls are gross, but unfortunately he's already dating another cute girl, but just when he thinks he'll either have to make his girlfriend mad at him or miss out on kissing a cute girl, they both tell him that they're gay and would rather make out in front of him. He felt a lot like that, and if asked he would tell Ron that in the morning. However, Ron never asked and so Harry never got to explain how the dreams where his parents were alive made him feel. This is because Ron is poor.

The next morning, Harry was coming down for breakfast when he ran into a new student.

"Oh hello, Harry Potter," the student who was a Hufflepuff said, shaking Harry.

"Hello, I don't believe we've met, Harry Potter," Harry said, being shook.

"I've met Harry Potter," the student said.

"Yes, just now."

"No, I met him before, my older brother is Harry Potter, see?" the student said, pointing at a fifth year who did appear to be the student's brother.

"He's not Harry Potter," Harry said, affronted, "I'm Harry Potter!"

"Oh you too? Are parents named us both after Harry Potter because of how great he is. It's a very common name now."

"My parents are dead!"

"Since when?" The student, whose full name was Harry Potter Hufflepuff asked in surprise and shock.

"Since yesterday!"

"Oh, did your parents die to make you more like Harry Potter? Lots of parents do that nowadays, it's a very common way to become famous. Our parents have been dead for 12 years!"

"I…don't know. Maybe they did?" Harry said, confused. He left Harry Potter and his brother Harry Potter and found Ron.

"Oi Harry, those dreams you had last night were wild!"

"Ron, I don't know if I'm Harry Potter anymore. I thought I was, but there's other Harry Potters and they seem much more like me than I, their parents have been dead much longer!"

Ron was unsure how to respond to this. On the one hand, Harry not being Harry Potter seemed completely absurd and flew in the face of everything he believed in. On the other hand, those other Harry Potters did seem much more like Harry than Harry did. If only he had more money, he could figure this dilemma out.

Unfortunately for both Harry and Ron, someone they knew did have more money and he was using it to do evil things.

"Neville!" Draco Malfoy demanded, hopping on Neville's back like a spider filled with car springs.

"Ah! Yes Mr. Malfoy?" Neville said, terrified of Malfoy ever since he caused him to go flying out of a tower window.

"Please, that's my mother. Call me Master Malfoy!"

"Yes Draco," Neville said in pure-blooded terror.

"Here is some money," Draco said, handing Neville a hand full of money. "I want you to tell Harry that he is not Harry Potter and someone else is! Then, when he is at his most vulnerable, laugh at his glasses!"

"No Draco! I call the line at that, you can make me do all kinds of mean things, but I won't do that!"

"You have no choice!" Draco said in gleeful evil, "I have bribed you and now you must do what I demand or I can kill you!"

"There's no way that's legal," Hermione said, flaunting her teeth.

"It just is! My father has bribed the Ministery of Magic into making that a law. Check your copy of _Bribery, How Laws are Made_!"

Hermione did and realized that it was a law, thanks to an older law stating that the only way for new laws to come into place was for someone to bribe the Ministry. She was sad that there was nothing she could do, and conceded this major victory to Malfoy who was as evil and powerful as he had ever been before.

So Neville went to Harry and told him that he was not Harry Potter.

"I knew it!" Draco said, jumping out of Neville and pointing at Harry. "All my suspicions have been proven!"

However, Neville was fat and weak, and so he could not bring himself to laugh at even a fake Harry Potter. So Malfoy killed him, in accordance with the law.

"Malfoy!" Harry shouted in anger-fury. "I may not be Harry Potter, but I have had enough of you following the spirit of the law, and not the letter of the law!"

"Oh? And what will you do about it, fake Harry Potter?" Malfoy challortled.

"I have to kill fast and curses too slow!" Harry shouted, lunging forward and skewering Malfoy's eye on his wand. Malfoy shrieked much like how a fish would, if one took a hook and used a wand to transfigure the hook into another wand, then used the original wand to create a portkey to call in Professor Mcgonagall who would then transfigure that fish into a person, so the original person could then pick up the transfigured wand and stab it into the eye of the transfigured person.

When Harry thought over how Malfoy must feel with a wand in his eye, he felt bad. He knew that Malfoy would never do anything so awful, and even if he did, he had enough money to not get in trouble for it. Harry was not the same as Malfoy, so he decided to fix things.

"_Oculus Reparo_!" Harry said, repairing Malfoy's eye. With a twirl of his wand, he removed it and put it back in his pocket.

"Well-played Harry Potter!" Malfoy said angrily. "But don't let it get to your head!"

"You called me Harry Potter!" Harry said. "I am really Harry Potter!"

"NOOOOO!" Malfoy said, running out of Neville's skin to his father, who punished him for failing in his evil plan.

"You're the best Harry!" Dean said, kissing Harry on the cheeks in an Irish way. Seamus was jealous, but knew better than to mess with even a fake Harry Potter, and this one appeared to be the real deal.

Before Harry could get too busy being embarrassed by the attention being lavished upon him, the Weasley twins showed up.

"Harry, we need your help!"

Harry recoiled from the freaky maroon-haired twins.

"Back off guys," Ron said. "Ever since that whole incident with Arthur Weasley and his cousin Dudley, Harry's been real skittish around you Weasley's. It's nothing personal, he just doesn't like your family cause of your dad."

The twins nodded in acknowledgement, but stayed where they were. "Harry, we respect your fear, but you need to help us!"

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"Watch!" Fred said, pulling out a lollipop that looked like a glass ball filled with a thick murky liquid. He gave the ball pop to Hannah Abbott who used her nose to smell it and then eat it.

Immediately she started sparkling, her Hufflepuff shaped skin twinkling like a glitter full of Snape's favorite potions. When the light could be no more blinding, it became more blinding and then her skin exploded, leaving behind a vampire!

"Oh no!" Hermione said.

"Yes, there are vampires all over the school…and Voldemort is inside six of them!"


	15. The Revelation of a Mystery

**Chapter Fifteen: The Revelation of a Mystery Heretofore Unknown to the Readers**

In the last chapter it was briefly mentioned that vampires were attacking Hogwarts. This turned out to be true! Goyle was wandering the deep, flooded, dungeony depths of the Hogwarts library when a vampire turned into a book and bit his thick neck.

"Gurgle rargle!" Goyle shouted in rage, as he hated books even when they weren't biting him. Soon though, the Book Vampire had consumed enough of his blood to be sated, and it flapped off, leaving bloody book pages all over the studying students.

Harry then ran into Ron, who had just gotten out of Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"Oi Harry, how are you?"

"I'm okay, how was Defense class?"

"Meh."

"Speaking of Defense Class, did you hear about our new teacher?" Hermione asked.

"We have a new teacher?" Ron asked in surprise.

"Well of course Ronaldo, Quirrel's been dead since Halloween, which was ages ago. We'd have to get a new teacher eventually," Hermione scolded, as if her parents had raised her in an environment full of scalding scolds, rather than an environment full of other people's teeth.

"Who's the new professor?" Harry queried, which was a reference to Quirinus Quirrel, who would often inquire queriously, because he did not know the latter was not a word.

"Well, Fred and George were talking about him before the vampires attacked," Ron said, joining in on the conversation. "I heard it was a prison guard of some kind."

"What could a prison guard know about Dark Arts?" Harry asked.

"Maybe he sacrificed some inmates to his unseen master in a forbidden ritual?" Hermione suggested, thinking back to her book of _Rituals, Things that Exist:_.

"Or SHE sacrificed some inmates," Hermione corrected Ron. "Women can do things too, I read about it in _Women, At least 2/3'ds as good as Men_."

"Well Harry," Seamus Finnigan said in his African accent, "Should we go to Defense class, or deal with all these vampires running around?"

Harry thought about the question, even as Dean Thomas drank lots of butterbeer. Soon though, he came to the only possible conclusion one could logically come to when you were Harry Potter.

"Let's go to Defense class, perhaps this professor's lesson today will be on how to defeat vampires. If we miss it, we will be worse at defeating vampires then if we went."

Everyone nodded and agreed, impressed with Harry's clever deduction. Especially Hermione, who as the smartest person, often appreciated intelligence that was greater than hers, since she never saw it occur naturally in the wild.

So, the school went to their scheduled Defense Class, battling vampires possessed by Voldemort and not on the way, with little success, although whether that was because they didn't know enough to kill vampires, or because they were holding back was very clear since the answer was both.

But while this was going on, Goyle awoke in the bathroom, finding himself in the same position as when the Book Vampire attacked. He clambered to his feet, feeling weird and awkward, as if his body was changing, like he had gotten larger, hairier and had a deeper voice. However as he looked into the Boy's Bathroom Magical Mirror, he discovered that of those three things, none of them were true. He felt weird because he had no reflection!

Goyle looked at his lack of reflection, then at his body, then back at the mirror, but because he had no reflection he didn't focus on the correct part of the mirror so he was actually looking a little to the left of where his reflection would be, if he had one, which he did not so it basically amounted to the same thing.

"I am…invisible?" Goyle said, looking at his hand. He decided he would do the smart thing and test this theory out. So he kicked open the stall door where a third-year Hufflepuff was bathrooming.

"AAAAAHHHH!" the Hufflepuff shouted, trying to squirm away from Goyle and cover himself, while the toilet continued to magically take away his excrements.

"Can you see me?" Goyle demanded.

"NO! GO AWAY!"

Goyle smiled. "Excellent."

And with that, Goyle's reign of terror began.

First he ran into the girl's bathroom, as that was what he had heard older students say they would do if they became invisible. Unfortunately all that was in the girls bathrooms were girls, vampires and giant snakes, none of which seemed like a lot of fun, so he left. He then went to the library to go peek at the books in the restricted section, but then remembered he wasn't a nerd, so he didn't do that either.

Already Goyle's reign of terror had taken him through both the boy's and girl's bathroom, as well as the library, so he was feeling very accomplished. And hungry. He could only fix one of those things while invisible though, so he went to the Hogwarts Cafeteria Hall of Official Magical Dining.

He easily sneaked his way in, punching several Hufflepuffs and Professor Sprout in the face, knowing that as an invisible man, no one had the magical fortitude to stop him. In all his days at Hogwarts, he never discovered any spells capable to defeating invisibility, so he was confident that he could eat all the food off people's plates that he wanted, with no fear of repercussions.

And so he did, laughing invisibly to himself at how he knew the food must appear to be disappearing in front of the students. Soon they became determined their fellow-student mates were taking their food and visible fighting broke out, while Goyle reveled in the knowledge that he must be disgusting all who could see the food being broken down and digested in his invisible bowels. And Vampire-Mort looked upon the chaos Invisible Goyle was causing, and laughed. He laughed most evilly.

Soon Goyle grew bored with his invisible shenanigans, and started to seek new avenues to cause havoc and mystery.

While the Dining Hall was crumbling into madness, Harry Potter and his friends and the Gryffindors and the Hufflepuffs went to Defense class…where there was NO TEACHER?!

"Is the professor invisible?" Ron asked.

"It must be Goyle!" Justin Finch-Fletchley shouted.

"No, he's much too young to be our invisible professor," Parvati Patil exclaimed, Ravenclawing all over her sister, who was her twin and in the same, but different House.

While the students argued over the likelihood of Goyle being a professor, the room slowly started to ice over. The students began to feel the razor edge of fear creep into their souls, and Harry heard the sound of his worst memory reverberate in his eleven-year old mind: Dudley Dursley being killed by his vampiric Zombie-Parents on the magical orders of Arthur Weasley.

Judging by the panicked shrieking of the other students, Harry was not alone in this memory, but when Hannah Abbott tried to flee, she found the door had been frozen shut, as if some kind of ice demon had cast _aguamenti _on the door, but then touched the wet door and made it an ice door. Blaise Zabini also thought this, but no one else did.

As the students quivered in terrified fear, a dark figure slowly emerged from the suitcase that was previously mentioned as being on the teacher's desk, but was now floating above that desk. The figure grew in form and size, until it towered over all the eleven-year-old students, much like a tower would tower over smaller towers, if they were younger and not finished being made, but even if they were finished they would still be substantially shorter than the towering tower that currently towers over the untowering towers that only tower over buildings that are not towers.

"A Dementor!" Dean Thomas said, using the wizarding knowledge he had acquired from a lifetime of being a wizard in the wizarding world. "We are all doomed!"

As if to exacerbate their doom, the Dementor made a noise that was like a thousand rotting corpses scraping together, their bodies sploshing open and releasing collapsed intestines that flopped to the ground in a particular pattern that sounded exactly like American British English being spoken by a distinguished gentleman.

"**I am your Defense Professor.**" The creature said over the piercing panic shouts of the class. "**You may call me Professor Dementor."**

"Ah," Harry screamed.

"**I apologize for the unequivocal terror my presence creates. To mediate my effect, I have brought chocolate for all of you.**" Professor Dementor said, reaching down his hood and pulling out a plate full of chocolate. DARK CHOCOLATE!

He magicked the chocolate at the students and they ate it. Immediately the feeling that their brains were going to crawl out of their noses and run screaming away, faded until it could almost be said that they didn't feel that way anymore.

"Professor," Hermione screamed. "I thought Dementors couldn't be trusted to run a class, because they'd try to eat our souls."

Professor Dementor looked down at her, the empty black void beneath his hood seeming to crinkle in mild amusement. "**Perhaps that is a problem with most Dementors, but I am a Professor, and have quite a bit more class.**"

"You're really a Professor?" Ernie Macmillan asked.

"**Yes. Unlike Snape, I went to Professor School and acquired top billing, and I did it without eating a single soul!**"

Everyone clapped and shrieked.

"**Now, while my history is deeply fascinating to all of you, myself included, I must get started on your lessons. Since you're all first-years, we're going to do something simple. I have here a few dozen dragons, two for each of you. Don't worry, they're quite alive!**"

With that, the walls of the classroom fell down and the students found themselves surrounded by dragons. The crippling fear they felt turned into super-crippling fear, as the combined mass of the dragons present was equal to 48 smaller dragons!

"Professor! I don't think we can defeat dragons!" Harry said.

"**Nonsense. Don't be afraid.**"

"Easier done than said," Ron grumbled in fear-terror as the dragons started eating the Hufflepuffs.

Cho Chang was the first to do something, by throwing her wand at a dragon. It flew straight and true, her time spent as a Seeker helping guide her magical aim as it plunged deep into the dragon's skull, plowing into its brain and blowing up, raining bloody chunks of Hufflepuffs all over the students.

"**Ten points from Ravenclaw.**" Professor Dementor said.

"Professor?!" Cho Chang yelled.

"**You killed the Dragon. They are rare and valuable. As is this lesson, which you have failed.**"

"Let's try this then," Hannah Abbot said. She punched her dragon, which caused the creature to eat her arm.

"**Ten points from Hufflepuff."**

"Damn it!" Theodore Nott said, casting Stupefy on one of his dragons. It fell unconscious and crushed two more Hufflepuffs.

"**Ten points from Slytherin."**

"Don't worry," Hermione said. "I'm super-smart, I got this."

She stepped towards her dragon. Seeing her bushy, orthodontist-fueled head, the beast breathed flames at her, but she responded by casting _Aguamenti_. The two elements met and burst into steam, broiling off the faces of the remaining Hufflepuffs.

"**Ten points from Gryffindor."**

"Dammit, what do you want?" Harry demanded, unknowingly using a Muggle curse in the wizarding world, which would have deep long-lasting ramifications that shall be dealt with in a later chapter.

**"Ten more points from Gryffindor."**

"This test seems impossible! How could we possibly complete it?!"

At Harry's question, Professor Dementor smiled. "**It is quite simple. A professor, even one as Demented as a Dementor, would not rationally expect his students to be able to defeat this many dragons on their first class, even if they had been through dozens of years of dragon-defeating classes. Additionally he would not sit idly by and allow even the puffiest of Huffles to die due to the carelessness and callousness of their classmates."**

"But you did do that!" Hermione shouted, overcome with terror at correcting a teacher, and also overcome with terror because he was a Dementor.

**"I did not. All I did was allow your deepest fears to manifest."**

At that, Professor Dementor waved his hand, causing the dragons to fade away and the classroom to look normal again. Additionally all but one of the Hufflepuffs realized they were alive and even better, Cho Chang's wand hadn't exploded and was in fact in her hair!

"What sorcery is this?!" Blaise Zabini demanded.

"Burn the Dementor!" Mandy Brocklehurst demanded.

Professor Dementor merely chuckled. "**No sorcery. What you saw was magic, powered by my Dementor's demention. I used my natural talents to create an arena of your deepest fears. Ravenclaws, you found your intelligence not up to the task. Gryffindors, you quailed in the face of 40-foot tall murderbeasts, while the Slytherins were unable to manipulate the dragons into fulfilling their ambitions. And as for the Hufflepuffs, it seems their fear was dying, which was not what I expected, but it seems quite reasonable."**

Everyone oohed over his amazing teaching methods.

"**Now I shall teach you how to avoid falling for such base fear tactics in the future. I shall teach you…the Patronus Charm!"**

Everyone cheered…except for Goyle, who punched Malfoy in the face.

"Ha ha! Now Draco will think Harry did it, because he is behind me and I am invisible!" Goyle shouted, his power fueled by evil.

"**Unfortunately Goyle, you are not invisible."**

"What?!" Goyle demanded.

**"Everyone can see you. Even I, a professor with no eyes, can see you quite clearly."**

"That's not true! It's impossible!" Goyle shouted, but a quick look at his visible hands made it clear it was true and it was possible.

Goyle shouted in terror and rage and screamed out the incantation for the Patronus Charm. Immediately a shining silver swordfish appeared. Tears streaming down his visible face, Goyle grabbed the swordfish and drove it deep into his body, plunging and tearing until the swordfish died. Then, only after the swordfish was dead, did Goyle allow himself to die as well.

"GOYLE!" Pansy Parkinson said, overcome with shock and horror upon seeing Goyle's suddenly visible dead body.

"POTTER!" Crabbe shouted, "Malfoy declares a blood feud with you!"

"Harry accepts!" Ron shouted back.

Before Harry could agree or disagree, Professor Dementor spoke again.

"**I would be wary about talking about blood feuds. It seems Goyle was a vampire…and Voldemort is coming out of him.**"


	16. Vampire Voldemort Part 3

**Chapter Sixteen: The Conclusion of the Three-part Vampire Voldemort Story Arc**

"Ha ha ha ha!" Vampire-Voldemort laughtered, emerging from Goyle like a misshapen puppy would emerge from its father.

"You're a Vampire-Voldemort," Hagrid said.

"**At last you have revealed yourself**," Professor Dementor said, extending his robe towards the terrifying apparition.

"What is this thing?" Harry asked, horrified beyond all rational speech.

"**This is a Vampire-Voldemort. It is a creature of no soul, formed whenever a nearly soulless Voldemort encounters a vampire. Drawn to the void of the vampire, the nearly soulless Voldemort devours the creature and becomes a being of pure purity and evil."**

Hermione nodded, having recently read just that in her book _Vampires, they're a thing now_.

"Yes, your information is correct my second-oldest foe," Vampire-Voldemort said, his lengthy hyphenated name causing many of the gathered students pause, as their brains took longer to process that name than a smaller one would have, like Greg. "But it is also incorrect!"

"**And how is that?**" Professor Dementor asked, his dark voice penetrating the souls of all present, especially Vampire-Voldemort.

"With the gallant sacrifice of this valiant Slytherin," the Darkest of Dark Lords said, gesturing at the mangled remains of Visible Goyle, "I am reborn into my full strength. Even my earlier defeat at the hands of Dudley Dursley is rendered null and void, making his death in vain!"

Harry was flabbersmacked at this terrible noise. Discovering that Dudley had died for literally no reason was just as bad as finding out Dudley had died. And this realization caused Harry to realize that he was still upset about Dudley dying, and so he began a powerful cry of sorrow and despair.

"Ha! Potter cries like his parents are dead!" Malfoy said, absorbing some of Vampire-Voldemort's aura of dickishness. The mighty insult, boosted by Draco's natural affinity for insults, struck Harry in the center of his scar, flooring him and leaving him vulnerable to Vampire-Voldemort.

"Now your tender eyes and also soul are mine!"

"**No!**" said a mysterious voice as a dark hooded figure stepped between Harry and the Vampire-Voldemort.

"Wait a second," Harry blubbered between his tears, "I know that soul-draining presence. You're not a mysterious dark hooded figure at all! You are-"

"**Professor Dementor,**" the professor finished, having finally arrived to do battle with his ancient foe.

With a curse, Vampire-Voldemort flung his head at the professor, his fangs gaping wide and dripping with the promise of Dementor blood.

Dodging the curse, Professor Dementor stuck his hand in his robe and pulled himself inside out, deftly avoiding the strike. While the Vampire-Voldemort was stunned and confused, Professor Dementor pulled himself back in and stuck his hand inside Malfoy.

"Argh!" Malfoy said, feeling weird.

"What are you doing Professor Dementor?" Vampire-Voldemort demanded. The professor did not answer, instead Malfoy did.

"Foolish Vampire. You have no parents!"

Vampire-Voldemort was aghasted at having Malfoy use his brand of insulting magic on him. "What is this sorcery?"

"Professor Dementor has Demented my mind and is using my talents against you, you nose-covered charlatan."

"Curses! I was not prepared to deal with this type of magic."

It seemed like Vampire-Voldemort was rendered powerless before this overwhelming assault and all present knew that Malfoy was only beginning to unleash his true insulting might, as a tornado of insults and derision had not even yet formed.

Suddenly Hagrid jumped in, providing Vampire-Voldemort a much needed distraction.

"You're a vampire, Hagrid" said.

Everyone turned to look at the distraction, and while they did, Vampire-Voldemort carefully extracted Draco Malfoy's back from Professor Dementor, while leaving the rest of the boy intact.

"**Oh no," **Professor Dementor said, foiled. "**I have been foiled."**

Or so he wanted everyone to think. When they weren't looking, stunned by his foiledness, he withdrew his robe and plunged his Dementor's Kiss straight at Vampire-Voldemort!

"Rargh!" Vampire-Voldemort said, as Professor Dementor extracted his soul. "Or rather, rargh is what I want you to think!"

Professor Dementor gasped as the soul extraction failed!

"Professor Dementor, you fool!" Hermione said, startling everyone with her rudeness towards a teacher. "Remember how earlier you said he doesn't have a soul! Your signature technique is useless!"

Vampire-Voldemort laughtered again. "That small boy is correct; you have fallen into the classic trap of forgetting to remember the thing that you have said!"

Professor Dementor was reeling. Both his Possessed Malfoy and Soul Extraction technique had been thwarted, and Vampire-Voldemort seemed just as powerful as before. In fact, he seemed even more powerful as he was currently devouring Goyle, much like a memory devours thought.

Suddenly, with a speed that belied its quickness, the devoured Goyle arose.

"I will not be consumed!" Goyle shouted, unleashing a mighty punch of such awesome power it was if the sun had exploded into the moon.

"Rargh!" Vampire-Voldemort said, this time for real. "How did you know my weakness?!"

"There's a lot of things one can learn when being eaten, and sometimes weaknesses is one of those things!" Goyle said.

"He's right!" Hermione said. "I just read that in a book."

"What book?" Ron asked.

"I can't remember the title. It was a pretty boring book."

"It'll take more than exploitation of my weakness to face-punching to defeat me!" Vampire-Voldemort growled, biting Goyle in half.

"**How about the sacrifice of a beloved Hogwarts Professor?" **Professor Dementor said.

"Professor Snape?" Harry asked, pointing at the man lurking in the background of the scene.

"**No Harry, he still has not completed Professor School. I am the only option."**

Everyone nodded and agreed as Professor Dementor billowed to Vampire-Voldemort.

"No! Against this valiant sacrifice, my Vampiric powers are useless! USELESS!" Vampire-Voldemort cried out as Professor Dementor exploded like a barrel of fish filled with dynamite that failed to explode upon being lit because the barrel was also full of water and that shorted out the fuse, so Professor Dementor was forced to replace the water with gasoline, but didn't realize that the high magical interference from Hogwarts would cause Muggle Gasoline to fail so that explosion also didn't go off and he had to stop by the Hogsmeade Grocery and Fish Supply Store also known as HGFSST, which also sold magical gasoline and muggle dynamite, so by discarding the muggle dynamite and using the magical gasoline he was finally able to blow up the barrel of fish and defeat Vampire-Voldemort.

"NOOOOO!" Harry cried, both at seeing his favorite professor die and also at being completely covered in fish chunks. Hannah Abbott was pretty okay with the whole fish thing though.

"Well it looks like this one is a draw Potter," Snape said, swooping in and _reparo_ing Draco. "You may have stopped the Dark Lord this time, but you also lost the second wisest being of our age, after Dudley. Now the smartest person on your side is Dumbledore, and he is no Dudley Dursley or Professor Dementor."

"I may not be that," Dumbledore said, teleportaling out of Neville. "But I can teleportal in and out of Hogwarts. For your callous mention of those two noble souls that Harry is very sad about…I am taking ten points from Slytherin."

"You can't take points from Slytherin because of me!" Snape snarled. "I am a professor!"

"Not yet," Dumbledore said, winking at Harry.

Everyone laughtered.


End file.
